Hatiku Percaya

Appreciate every single thing in your life

Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment. Throughout life people will make you mad, disrespect you and treat you bad. Let God deal with the thing they do, cause hate in your heart will consume you too. We don't even know when is our time to be call and return to God. But while we still can breathy in the land of the world, we should be as good as we can to God.

A week ago, I've received very shocking news. I've received few missed calls from my ex-colleagues and I was curious why she suddenly call me - few times. So then I rang her back and ask is there anything. The moment I heard what she said on the phone, I totally blur. I don't know what to say. I am in shocked! I just couldn't believe I am losing a friend on that day. A friend for 3 years friendship.

We've been worked together a year before. She's a nice person and she did help much in term of works. We began close to each other, even went for holiday together, have our meals together, shop together, have fun together and can say that 3 years we had a great time together. She's a good friend, you know why? Because she always be nice in front of me, thou I know how she treat me last time. And I never put my hatred toward her. Never thought she will leave us that early.

It happened when she and the other staffs of the Company on their way to estate (I don't particular know what the purpose going to estate on that day). They involved in self accident after started half hour journey from town. What I heard from other friends, the car was driven by ex-supervisor, was lost control after he failed to overtake another car in front. And the time he wanted to back off to the original lane, there the car was spin 10 times. The only unhurt was my ex-supervisor (5 of them). This Ms Kitty (because she loves hello kitty soooo much) still conscious on the scene but unconscious on her way to hospital. She pronounced dead by the doctor after few times given CPR. Doctor failed to save her as she had internal injuries. 

That was the most sad moment after I heard she's gone. Why God must take her while she exciting preparing her big day in few months coming. I can imagine how sad and broken heart her fiance to lost her. Once again I realize how fragile is our life and soul to be taken by God, anytime. That make me ponder in a minute, appreciate everything you see and have in the present. Because God can take what's belong to you anytime, any where.

Throwback the moment I lost my beloved dad, that was the most tragic moment I had. He gone without saying a goodbye, not even a word. You so bad dad.. leaving me alone without you beside me. From that moment, I began realize, there is nothing you can do about death. What you can do is, spend more time with everyone, appreciate everything that God given. I began realize, that I should be more strong in conducting my life. I began to love everyone. To love the loves one. Now then I once again, begin, to love my precious son. We cannot buy our happiness with money because that was what God's gift to us. We cannot seek our happiness any where at the road side. Life just once. If you don't change, don't regret by the end of the day. 

* Once you learn how to be happy, you won't tolerate being around people who make you feel anything less. Life asked death, "WHY DO PEOPLE LOVE ME BUT HATE YOU?" death responded, "BECAUSE YOU ARE A BEAUTIFUL LIE AND I AM A PAINFUL TRUTH." Every deceased friend is a magnet drawing us into another world. While I thought that I was learning how to live, I have been learning how to die. Death doesn't care about your list of accomplishments or your future plans, so cherish those around you and enjoy, we only live once.*

Now I am thinking, why should I headache my head with people who never think about me. Never appreciate me, never value me as how I valued them. I deserve to be happy, instead. I wouldn't care much about those who doesn't love me, after this. We created by God to appreciate and love ourselves before we share our kind heart to others. I am so much disappointed until I couldn't tears. I've been humiliated, mocked once again, by someone that I love the most. But for me, God knows everything, God knew my heart. 

God bless to everyone. Amen.

My precious Carl #2

Break time for me...

By the time I blogging, my precious son is sleeping so that's why I have time and an idea to blog. This is my 2nd batch of my stories about being a MOTHER. I don't really have free time to type and blog, because I need concentrate on what I have to blog. With Carl awaken it is really possible to free myself blogging like now. Even he is in sleeping mode, sometimes he could hear even my fingers typing sound on computer keyboard. Whenever I start doing my own thing such as watch my favorite Kdrama or blog (as it), it's like he couldn't let me have my personal time. So he make sure will make me distracted. Normally I will on his favorite cartoon (yes at the age of 2 months plus, he have his own interest) or play him Kpop songs. He will enjoy watching it but just for awhile. Carl a type that faster get bored. This is the problem why I hardly have time to blog. 

Being a mother isn't as easy as I thought from began. It is seriously troublesome and tired! But honestly I say I am enjoying the moment being a mother. I doesn't want miss even a second without my child, Carl. It feel like I am losing so much time without spend my time with him. I know the duties being a mother needs me to work up my ass out where I need to change his diapers, feed him, give him shower (thou most of the time it is my mom's duty), put him to sleep (he must breast feed on me, otherwise he probably refused to sleep), wash his feeding bottles, cuddle him if he 'meroyan' and etc. Tired babe! 

This 2 months really a tough time for me. Sleepless and restless sound normal for me now. By the time I blogging already past midnight, where everyone having their dreamland on their comfy bed. No doubt I really miss my 'before being a mother' where I can do a lot of things. I can freely spend my time with my buddies, enjoy working moment, travel, outing for the whole day. But now then I have to limit my time for my 'play time' activities but letting Carl to have my time more for him. He is so adorable to dish out. LOL! I miss my Carl everyday, every moment, every second. Even when we sleep side by side, I can still miss him. Miss to see his pure face. Truly that I am crazy being a mother now. Nothing that can separate me from my boy. I swear who ever or in planning to do something bad or to 'snatch' him from me, I will cut off that person ever. He is my precious, my diamond, my wing, my EVERYTHING. *LOL..I sound overreact..who care* 

Soon, Carl will be 3 months old. Time fly so fast yet I still wanna see him in 'small size'. In another year, I gonna miss to cuddle him, hear his baby babbling and the moment he is still baby. Now he is in learning himself to facing down. My boy is growing up. That so fast. This little boy gonna be a naughty boy after all. I can predict it earlier. One thing funny about Carl, that he doesn't like to ride. When ever I brought him out, he looks like he afraid to be inside car. And when he is about to sleep, we must go on driving all the way to make him sleep soundly. He'll start to cry if the car stop even for awhile. Funny Carl. 

So far, I love being a mother. But at the same time, I am worry being a mother to my little boy. I just worry and conscious that being a mother not as easy as I thought. I always worry if my boy feel alright all the time, cool enough or is he too hot when he is sweating, worry if he doesn't poo for 2 days. Everything about Carl making me worry. May be that's why every mother out there very protected their children. I hope my Carl wont give me so much trouble in the future. I do hope he growing as a good person, a valuable person, smart, intelligent, creative, brilliant, all I can say, good in everything that he should know to survive. So then I wont worry for the rest of my life for being a mother to him. I want he be a person who can be brave and tough when ever he is in difficulty. 

Ok guys, gonna continue my next chapter about My precious Carl~

xoxo  

My precious prince

It's been long time...

I finally come back after 2 months. I don't have time to blog but a lot of time to sit in front my lappy. LOL. 

It's been 2 months after gave birth to my precious child. Wow! Fuhh! I have thousand words to say here but my fingers seems giving me limit to blogging. So I just typing some here while my baby is sleeping. 

I gave birth to a baby boy. Yes, a prince. He is so cute and adorable. Me and hubby named him Carldiver. Well, its his first name and let keep the other 2 names. Carl born on August, 30th of 2013. Now Carl is 2 months old. Yes quite big size for my size of body. I couldn't believe I gave birth to such cute handsome boy. I was grateful with healthy and adorable son. 

Story about experienced the moment giving birth : 

I admitted to hospital on August, 29th at 17:00pm. That was my first time admitted in the hospital. Yes never once since after I born. And yes that also one of my experience. I choose private hospital because I trust on their service. Not because I 'sombong' because refused to give birth at General Hospital but I know I can freely bring my family to stay with me for the whole time I'm there. I had a good service by the doctors and the nurses whom so kind and patience with 'karenah' their patients. 

My contraction begin every half and hour to 5 minute until the time to give birth. The pains I've gone through was the great moment. That is how our mom bare the pains while giving birth to us. I was too afraid and keep asking myself if I can give birth my child through normal birth. And I'm not pretty sure if I can push hardly. My 'ketumban' pecah after midnight and there goes the most painful part started. I choose to get painkiller injection as I cannot tahan the pain but Eng Eng was right, the effect was nothing compare to the pain. But thankful to God I can stand the contraction in short while. my civic opened 8cm then only I push out to labor room. Once again, I was grateful that my hubby was around with me. On 3.49am with weight of 3.3kg, my little Carldiver born to the world. What such wonderful experienced I had. 

To be continue ...

Nearly

It nearly the time.. I can't wait to see my little one. I hope I can go through all the pains. *finger cross* God bless me. My contraction happened in 2 nights and it's really painful. Well, this is because I am to brave and tough til I can tahan not to go to hospital early. Kalo other pregnant women lain, I guess first time contraction sudah hantar diri to hospital. Not because I doesn't feel scare or worry but I just don't like to stay longer in the hospital. What I want is go there and straight away give birth so I don't need to spend more extra time in the hospital. Stay in hospital never feel comfortable. 

It's gonna be my first experience giving birth to a newborn. And that gonna be my the most sweet memories. Get myself pregnant at the age of 30+ and going through a lot of beautiful moments. Now I wonder how is my baby boy look like. *excited!* 

Mom keep pushing me to go to hospital as soon as possible but I still can have time to blogging here! Lol!! Should I go now or later? Hurm.. Gonna go there later. Alright mommy, I'll stop blogging now then. 

Okay guys, gonna update my blog again after then. 

xoxo 

What's the best way to get rich, especially if you are poor now?

There are so many ways to get rich. Some ways are perceived as easier than the others. But if you want to have a high probability of success. I believe there are a few methods that are proven to be more likely to make your dreams come true.

First, let's start with the easier one : marry rich or inherit wealth. The problem is that only 5% of the population is rich. It is probably less than 5% in some places. If you are born in a wealthy family, the rest may admire the lucky you. This leave the other 95% compete among themselves to get a wealthy spouse, if they depend solely on this "easier" way to get into the 5%.

Believe it or not, there are courses in China that train young girls on how to attract and get married to the rich man. After all, there are many new billionaires in China nowadays that a girl has higher chance to marry a wealthy man, provided that she is equipped with the necessary quality. What else is a better way to acquire these valuable skills other than taking up a course or workshop? A consultancy firm in the upscale Jianwai Soho complex in Beijing is offering this type of special training. A standard 10-hour package costs 2,000 yuan (RM925), reports The Global Times. 

Since most of us are not attractive female, now, let's get more serious to examine the other alternatives :

#1 - Build a massive portfolio of stocks

Warren Buffett did it. Many others do too, by accumulating shares of some great profit-making companies while the price is fair and undervalued. Stock investment is suitable for people with great analytical mind. Thorough  research can be done at the comfort of your home by studying the past annual reports since the information of a public listed company is easily accessible. In Bursa Malaysia alone, there are around 1000 counters to choose from. The key is to find really good company that can make good use of your money invested with them. If the management team can produce better return than what you are making on your own, it is best to have your money managed by them. 

Certainly, there are a handful of companies that produce magnificent financial result consistently for many years. Find those companies and buy their share when it is at a discounted price. Accumulate enough of it through years of savings. You can even borrow money to invest when you are very confident about what you are doing. Then, you should be able to accumulate enough wealth just repeating this strategy.

#2 - Join a start-up and get stock

Early employees in Apple, Google and Microsoft became millionaires on this basis. Is there such companies in Malaysia? For us, there are not many great startups that eventually get listed and make their employees millionaires. 

But if you have the chance to study in some top universities like the MIT (Massachusetts Institute of Technology) or Stanford University in Silicon Valley, there is a great chance that one of your school mates will be starting some exciting high tech business there. MIT alumni founded or co-founded many notable companies, such as Intel. McDonnell Douglas, Texas Instruments, 3Com, Qualcomm, Bose and Dropbox. Coupled with the perfect environment to get seed funding, angel investors' support and the venture capitalists who are actively looking for new startup to pump in their money, it is possible that you might end up as the first batch employee in some significant startups.

For example, the number 20 employee of Google, Marissa Mayer joined Google as a software engineer. Now she is the CEO of Yahoo. When Google was publicly listed at Nasdaq, her fraction of company shares had turned into millions of dollar, making her rich almost overnight.

Getting rich through this route looks pretty fun but as many has known, not everyone has the luck that the perfect chance just comes at the right time.

#3 - Exploit your skill and become a celebrity

This is how sports stars, authors and entertainers become rich: You have to have some special skills. Talents is a must-have trait for this route to riches.

In order to create tremendous wealth through this method, you not only need to have the specific talent, you also got to be able to market yourself really well. When I refer to talent, you got to be in the top 1%. It is just too hard to make it. Even if you are in the top 5% talented people, it might not be "talented" enough.

In this case, I would love to take myself as an example. If you got the chance to see me sing and play the piano. But why didn't I end up being a full time artist, or become a superstar? Frankly, I am not the top 1%. I am not good at marketing myself ruthlessly. Perhaps I didn't try hard enough. And finally my priority changed after I got married.

By now, I think you've got what I mean. To be a celebrity who earns very high rewards, you simply got to be the best in your group who perform that special skill (acting, talking, singing, running, playing badminton etc). That level of success requires a very high level of talent (that not everyone is born with), luck, hard works, and even people skills. 

However, if you have any sort of talent that you can make use of, by all means go for your dreams! It is only worth living when you are chasing over your dream. 

#4 - Buying, developing, managing and selling property

Property invest gives you much leverage based on the very simple logic: land is limited, but human population keeps increasing. In the long term this remains a proven way to accumulate wealth for centuries.

The challenge is that most properties, especially the good ones require relas stively higher capital to acquire. One wrong decision might take years to recoup the losses. But if you learn the trade, it is quite safe to accumulate wealth this way. Since property hunting requires you to get out of your comfortable home and actively look for good bargain, it is very suitable for those who are extrovert. In fact, if you don't feel shy of negotiating with seller, buyer, real estate agents, lawyers, even contractors, you really have the upper hand to find more good deals, or even transform a seemingly bad deal into a good one. 

You can see the most of the local tycoons are normally involved in property development. Even if you find a tycoon who is not a property developer, he or she normally has a massive holding of properties or lands.

This strategy is so simple but yet so powerful. It will never go wrong if you are accumulating income-producing properties at good locations. In the long term, properties price will just go on way, which is "UP".

#5 - Start your own business

I would say this is the most effective and proven way to become rich. There are people getting rich in every niche and industry. If you can find a new approach to a specific need and build a profitable business that addresses that need then you'll be able to create real value that customers willingly pay you for it.

It could be a retail business, a saloon, a consultancy or a product dealer. It will probably take years of very hard work to build up the enterprise. But if you can pull it off, the potential rewards are so huge. This is how many of the seriously wealthy people did it. I would say 90% of the rich people get rich through building a successful business.

The best thing about making money through business is that you don't have to be good at everything your business require. You just got to find the right people to perform the work they are best at. Like what is said by the author of Good to Great, Jim Collins "We found, instead, that they first got the right people on the bus, the wrong people off the bus, and the right people in the right seats. And then they figured out where to drive it." It is about building a team of high performers. Then your business will surely take off!

In business, you can also get to choose the industry you are passionate about. You get your freedom right from the start when you are the boss, calling all the shots!

You decide your journey

Explained above are top five best ways I can think of on how to get rich, plus the bonus method about marry your way to riches. Have you ever think of what is the suitable way for you? Whichever way you choose, the important thing is to start early. Make good use of your time now. Make good investment with your money right now. The earlier you start, the better the chance to get there on time because you will still have the luxury to perform course-correction. Start now. Good people deserve to have lots of money because you know how to spend the money on good deeds. 

Counting my day

Blessed Sunday everyone... 

Hot weather on Sunday morning.. may be because I belum shower lagi. :p 

Okie, I will take my shower soon. Let me finish my blogging first yea. My first blog in month of August. Well, have nothing to blog this while or I can say, lazy to blog. 

From this moment, I starting counting my day to my due date. Mau beranak sudah mah.. How I feel? Wow.. I can say its like I baking a cake with a lot of mixture taste. Hurm.. how is that? Feeling nervous, excited, happy. I am going to be a mother, very soon. Cannot wait to see my newborn little boy to the world. Baby, you'll gonna be a good boy ya. Do let mommy feel the smooth of delivery moment yea. Don't give mommy hard time yea. Mommy love you no matter how. 

Flash back from the moment I found out myself preggy. The feeling very weird. Unexpected pregnancy suppose. I never realized that I will get myself pregnant because I don't get pregnant with my first marriage. Thing gone messed up by that time. I never expected my 2 months menses delayed actually became my first pregnancy. I bought pregnant test and the result was positive. Then I still not satisfied with it, me and hubby went to clinic for more clarification. Then there once again the doctor told me I am pregnant. I don't know what should I say and how I felt. But that was really a huge news for me. I felt worry and felt so happy at the same time. Yes who wouldn't feel happy if you can pregnant with someone that you love. 

The first month pregnancy...

I don't feel anything yet. I go to work as usual. Naik turun tangga. 

2nd Month pregnancy...

I started felt the 'morning sickness' but not so serious. I puke but the worse is I fallen sick for the whole month. I cannot go to work and had asthma, flu and cough. Tsk tsk tsk. Serious sickness until I lost weight so drastic. I've quit my job. I totally cannot work or even drive my car to work. 

3rd Month pregnancy...

I started with my monthly check up. I don't feel nervous every time doctor did scan my baby. I saw the progress of the baby. I felt blessed. I couldn't believe I carrying another soul inside my womb. 

4th Month pregnancy...

I don't know about other pregnant mother, but at this 4th month pregnancy, I started felt my baby movement. Too early? Yes that true. I felt the movement. The first movement. 

5th Month pregnancy...

The progresses sama with other pregnant women. I started gained weight. I can see my tummy getting membesar. Happy mode. I don't have to go through 'mengidam' moment. May be because I memang suka makan. 

6th Month pregnancy and present...

Everything is in good condition. My baby growing well. Very active too. I can feel the movement of my baby, everyday. He is superb active. I love my baby so much. 

On my 33 weeks of pregnancy, my appetite start mengila. I started my 'mengidam' mode. Want to eat this and that. That make my baby growing faster. But that's not the problem. I want my baby in good health and cute. I am happy to have my boy to the world. 

May God bless me and my baby. Amen.

xoxo

Smash-The Love I Meant To Say

Too much controversy

Blood pressure too low! Yeah.. had my check up today and it's my 33+ weeks. And my baby weight about 2.3kg. Less than 2 months for my deliver newborn. I am getting more excited. But my excited in to get baby stuffs getting less and lesser. I have depression this few weeks, because of financial problem. 

I don't know where to start. Ok I just spit out what ever crossing on my mind. I spent few hundreds bucks just for today. Went for check up, then service my car, and shared with mom paid electric bill. That's not included what I ate today. I have high level desire to foods since my 7th months pregnancy. Doctor advice me twice since previous check up. Do control my sugar level and milk. I have to diet but not that type of diet we usually heard to slim down our body. But I couldn't control my desire to eat. When I'm thinking about foods, at the same time I am thinking about money. Of cause, I have too. Because I need money to have those things I crave for. No money no anything. 

I thought I wont have financial problem once I received hubby's pay. I am trying hard to 'jimat cermat' with what I have. I just afraid when the situation lack of money occur again. It damn difficult moment when you have financial problem. You can't have what ever you want without money. My hubby a kind of inconsiderate toward his wife and newborn child. He thought I don't mind if I have no much money in my saving. May be he thought I still have mother and brother at home who have fix income would help me whenever I need money. But he doesn't know everyone does need money no matter what, where and when. I am not the type yang suka berhutang. 

This problem keep bothering me until today. What worse is he doesn't have guts to explain to his family that we really need money for our newborn baby. He insisted to 'contribute' some money to his sister even thou I already mentioned many times that we have too many outstanding bills to pay. 

I just don't get, why so hard to reject or tell the truth about the financial flow. At least that can make them understand the situation. Nanti aku juga yang terpaksa perah otak cari tempat nak pinjam duit. He seems to blame me for insufficient money in the account after I told him that I've use few thousand. I've told him few months earlier about this finance plan. But he refused to listen and thought I might easy to cooperate when the time come. Well, I am considerate type of person but I might being selfish when I need to. I HAVE TO BE SELFISH. I need much saving this few months. Unless he doesn't care and love his own child. I am so disappointed on him. He seems doesn't care much on me and baby. I bearing his baby inside my womb. But he care more on his siblings who doesn't really need money at the moment. Me whom suppose need more saving for emergency fund have to surrender everything just for the sake of his family? No way! My child is my priority. Because I am the one who gonna taking care of my son. And of cause I want the best for my child. 

Oh my.. I should stop here. Talk also no use. I am super duper sleepy right now and hungry to.

*I still have my potato salad*

xoxo

Bubbling mode

You decor your life as how you want it be. I have a friend who always prejudice on how others handling their life. Anything that can be her story and start for the next step which is mocking and judging them. I wonder what in the world she is... She can simply judge and the most irritating is she can curse you badly; without you knowing it. 

We only can see but not to judge anyone. Yes I do judge anyone, sometimes. But not as bad as what my this friend always did. Sometimes, I cannot accept the way she think about others. Nak kata benci kat orang tak juga. Kawan juga dia. Dengki kot. We only can say about others unless we know the real story line. My life always brought controversy among anybody who knows me. I don't really mind what others talk about me, as for me, there is nothing perfect in this world. Neither you. I live the way I am, everyday. I am not a superstar that I need some attention. I am just a ordinary person who just want to live in peaceful. Sometimes I thought myself, why those people love to talk or mock about even just for a small thing. Do they ever look themselves on to the mirror and ask themselves if they have never done anything wrong? 

There's a family whom very envy on my family live - especially the leader of the house, the father. He wanna control everyone's life as he please. But of cause that's not the reason why he should judge us on what he want us to be. Furthermore, I am not his daughter, my mom not his wife too. So why should I obey on every single thing he want us to do. We know how to managing our own life. We never ask for money from you. We work for our own living. I don't need your 'rasuah' just to be your follower. Why would I? This is the 2nd time happened where both party had a huge argument. You spoiled your children not to keep in touch with us again. You are such a spoil and retarded person I've ever see. I know most of the story came from your 'holy' wife. Just because you afraid of your wife, you have guts to mock us without knowing what's behind the truth story. You influenced everyone not to close with us and well, you did it. I can say everyone on your side now. But I don't need any 'soldier' to be my follower as you did. I am a follower of my almighty God. I pray to Him, I believe on Him, I ask forgiveness from Him, I talk to Him about my problems. 

I forgave them for what they did to my family, especially to my mom. Mom was too kind and naive. But never thought they would destroyed mom's trustful toward them. I can forgave them but not to forget on what they did. Only God knows everything. Lord, forgive them for their sins. 

# Day 11, waiting my 'Durian' jatuh. Sigh! How long do I need to wait more? I can be patience but not the banks. Everything need to settle urgently. Duhhh! 

Penguji dalam pengidup

Today blogging gonna using my dialect in Iban. 

Randau sari tok ba ruang blog aku pasal utai ke nyadi ba sesetengah mensia ke enda nemu puas ati meda penyenang orang bukai. Tiap ari ktai ninga leka randau bala orang besebut utai ke manah serta utai ti jaik. Tang ke suah gik, utai ke jaik nyak meh ke deka ndar di sebut bala ktai sebelah orang bukai. Aku eran..cukup eran.. sida tok bisi ati deka besebut utai ke ngasuh orang belaya pangan diri tang sida ia empu enda nemu diri pengidup sida enda gak manah ni sampai ka besebut ke bala orang bukai. Nama hasil ari bejaik orang kin kiak?

Nyak meh pengawa bala kitai ke maya ari tok. Enda tau meda bala bukai idup senang bisi keresa mimit. Alu betusui kin kiak. Kada bisi merati ke pengidup diri enda orang baka tok neh... Ukai aku ka besebut penyaik orang, tang utai tok nyadi ba kami sebilik. Aku tau eran nama ke buah bala aku empu tau endar ringat serta kepapas meda pengidup kami sebilik. Keresa enda gak baka keresa orang ke bisi rumah besai, tanah berbelas gran, emas penuh kantung. Makai pan berlauk ke sadin gak. Enda meh kami tok kala minta duit minta tupi sida ya. Cukup eran aku meda mensia jenis baka tok keran amat ka ngelabuh ke kami sebilik. Nama meh penyalah kami sebilik sampai kami tok enggai di peda sida ya? 

Aya, ibuk, aki, inek, anang kelalu amat kitak berjaik kami sebilik tok. Kitai bisi Petara merati ke pengidup mensia siko2. Enggai ke 'tulah' nyak tau ninggang pengidup kitak. Ukai nyumpah tok aya, ibuk, aki, inek. Tang tok di kumbai orang 'KARMA'. Utai ke jaik tau nyadi ba kitai enti kitai bangat ka endar bejaik ke orang bukai. Ari bejaik ke orang bukai, manah gik mulut serta hati nyak minta pengampun ari Petara. Besampi ngampun ke dosa serta minta berkat ari Ia. Laban kitai mensia tok nama seput udah nadai, sigi tanah meh tuju kitai. Sigi pulai ngagai Petara baru. Nyak meh kitai anang kelalu berabis ati bejaik pangan diri. 

Nasib siko2 mensia enda sebaka. Bisi ke tusah diatu, bisi ke senang belama, bisi ke bulih keresa bejuta-juta, bisi ke meragai ngidup ke diri. Nyak semua Petara ke nusun pejalai pengidup kitai. Tang enti nadai usaha (munyi ko laut), utai sigi nadai nyadi keresa. Tok siti utai ka di sebut aku ditu. Idup nipu reta orang sigi enda tau di kerja ke kitai mensia. Uji ngasai ba diri empu enti diri empu kena tipu orang bukai serta kena penusah baka orang bukai. Sapa endur kitak bepalik? Aku enda munyi kitak bejaik kitak, anak, ucu, icit kitak bedau temu ulu ili. Baka nyak meh anak ucu icit aku ila. Nyak ke buah aku sigi enda ka bejaik orang baka munyi mulut serta hati kitak. Laban nangi ke 'karma'. Laban kitai mensia enda selama ya senang serta enda selama ya tusah. 

Aku bisi pengidup aku empu, aku enda ngacau pengidup orang bukai. Aku enda minta tupi orang bukai laban aku bisi laki nupi aku. Kami sebilik enda minta tupi orang luar laban kami sebilik bela betulung pangan diri. Jadi kitak ke enda puas hati enggau pengidup kami diatu, anang kelalu kepapas ka ngenyaik kami sebilik. Aku besampi ngagai Tuhan, ngampun ke penyalah kitak serta bsampi ngarap Tuhan meri penerang dalam pengidup kitak. Amen.

What's comes around will goes around.

xoxo

Put yourself on my shoes before judging me

Midnight blogging while I have topic to share with. I have this kind of relatives or I should say 'satu kampung' who loves to kepoh about other people life instead thinking how to improve their own life much better. I guess this kind of people doesn't have any interesting activities to do other than humiliating, insulting and mocking others. I wonder if they know what they did wrong. 

It's happened about an hour ago when my mom received a called from her so called 'uncle' from kampung. I thought they just having a normal chit chat. But after few minutes, I heard the conversation became more serious and I signaled to Mom who's on the phone and what happened. Mom ignored me. So I just let mom continuing her phone conversation. 

Once again I heard the conversation about. It's about me. Then I know what is going on. The conversation more and more serious until I have to interrupt mom. I took mom's phone from her and talk to the person. I just want to know what that so serious until that Uncle need to call mom late at night. And I thought that was an emergency news. But unexpected! It was about me, about my pregnancy, my life, and about my husband. What the f***!! Why they are so kepoh to know how I should decor my life after this? Past is past. There is nothing to talk about unless you purposely create a problem that can cause me to 'punch' you back. 

Here I would like to share some advice to this Uncle and other people that have intention to ruin my life or busy body about my family. There's certain thing where we should and shouldn't busy body too much about others. Especially when it come to personal. I do have plenty of time if I want to be one of them - ruin and kepoh people life. But I am not that type of person. Because I know how to make my life more interesting from day to day. And I do believe in karma. You buat jahat, you kena balik. So that's why I have no interested and have no guts to destroy other human life, unless someone start it first. 

Life is so wonderful if you know how to color it. Furthermore, those elders should think more wisely before they start a word. Look yourself onto mirror before you judge and talk about others. How far you know about my life? My marriage? I don't ask you to judge me. I have God who only can judge me. And I only deal with Him when I die someday. Dosa sendiri tanggung. I tak minta sesuap nasi pun dari sesiapa. Even saya berhutang pun saya bayar balik okay! 

When I'm in difficult moment, where I need some help, did any of my relatives willing to help me? No, they don't. Bila I senang sikit, they start to play their roles as a 'backstabber'. I know I still lack of knowledge and I should respect the elders but sometimes we have make some correction on their opinion. 

Well, if you think you are right because you dulu makan garam, at least say and show the truth. Don't say something that really doesn't make sense. Don't make I have no respect toward you. I have right for that. BECAUSE YOU ARE NOT MY FATHER.

xoxo

Life full of stories

Hot weather.. sweating even after shower. Now having my late lunch while watching tv. 

Soon, I'll be a mother to my own child. Couple of months left. I have mixture emotion - feeling excited, nervous, scare. But I pray to God to make my delivery process will go smooth. Amen.

Nothing that can make every parents feel bless once they see their child right after they born to the world. I've experienced too many in life except the coming experience. I love my new family - a husband and coming newborn child. I love my husband the most. I falling in love with him everyday. I do hope that he will be a good husband and a father to my child. 

Previous marriage gave me a huge impact. And I did learned some of my mistake. What did happened previously will kept in my diary of memory forever. How I wish I have button of DELETE so that I can delete all the memories. I regretful with my previous marriage but I am so thankful to God that I've found someone good to me. 

What's comes around will goes around. I believe in karma. Only God knows everything. Now I only need focus to my new life. I am tired for being a slave and living in the darkness of evil. My life going to be more interesting after this. And I will make sure my relationship with my husband gonna be a perfect relationship until the death separate us. 

God bless us.

xoxo

Another day counting...

Morning people.. it's almost noon actually. Woke up very late every day. Well, since I quit my job and be a fully time jobless, I have so much time to do anything that I cannot do while I still working last time. I have too much free time until I get bored, sometimes. Since I am in 'bloated period', I'm a bit lazy to drive or do some outdoor activities. I prefer to stay at home rather than burn my skin under the sun. Yes now even worse. Haze every where and it's thy season. Do not drink less water. I heard quite few news about houses burned because of the weather too hot. Poor them. I do hope those people to be more carefully in burning bushes or what ever that can cause fire burning. 

Pray for those whom in difficulty situation. *Finger cross* 

I am 7 months pregnancy now and left 2 months plus more to my due date. Seriously I say, I am exciting for my delivery. Counting my day for my delivery time. My baby is a cute baby, fair skin, cute smile like his mommy, handsome like his daddy.. yes my baby is a boy. I am going to have a son! Very active baby. Every day I received kick boxing from him, no matter day or night time. I am gonna have a healthy baby. I have a wonderful moments during my pregnancy period. Experiencing a lot of different moments and baby movement. I can't imagine and describe how wonderful to be a pregnant woman or a mother-to-be. It's a miracle. Thank you so much God for your wonderful gift. 

Thank you to God for what He did and gave. Thanks for the wonderful gift. Now I have my almost complete family - a nice and loving husband, and wonderful moments pregnancy. I pray to God and asking for blessing for my big families. Thank you Father. *Finger cross*

How I wish Daddy still around. He probably be the most happy grandfather-to-be. But everything happened with reasons. I wish Daddy live happily in heaven. I miss you daddy~ Really miss you. 

What past is past. I wish I have a good life after this. And I pray that I can face every difficulty ahead. 

Counting hours to celebrate Eng Eng's belated birthday today. Gonna have my first makeup look!

xoxo

6 months +

Back on track... Hubby went back to work this morning and I'll see him again in 3 months. Starting missing him. Huhu... I felt comfortable when he is around. At least I have a fully driver and I don't need to drive for a month. He look more excited than me about our coming newborn. He can feel by himself the movement of the baby inside my womb. I took opportunity to let him experienced by himself. In handling pregnancy wife at the same time. 

Now then I am in my 6 months plus pregnancy. By the time he come back home, its my due month. I really hope he can come back earlier than suppose. Just in case I need to give birth before the due date. Well, most important I want him to be beside me when the moment I struggle with pain. I am getting heavy and easy get tired. I get to know what's the gender of my baby. *not gonna say it here yet.* Easy for me to search for a name for my baby. :) Baby more active than previous month. The kicking more tough and hard, even I sometimes had breathless. Naughty baby I have. 

Preparing my budget for newborn stuffs. Been doing my survey for baby bed and mattress. Wow! Now then I know all those stuffs are damn expensive! I couldn't find the wooden bed so I've decided to buy the one with easy clip type of bed. Furthermore, I can uninstall the bed if no longer to be use. Now napkin cost expensive too. RM30+ for just 10 pieces of napkins. That's not count the other stuffs such as milk power, feeding bottle, nipples, clothes, baby sundries, diapers, etc. Such a huge budget. I hope I can save enough budget for my maternity fees + doctor fee for my delivery service. 

* I cannot wait to see my baby! Mommy and daddy do love you!*

xoxo

22 Weeks

Less than 4 months to go for my due date delivery. I cannot wait! My baby movement quite active now. My last check up doctor was told me my baby gender might a boy. But that not for sure yet. Have to wait for 7-8 months. I don't mind what gender of my baby as long as my baby born healthy and cute! God bless my baby. 

I watched video of a born baby. I can feel the baby movement. It's so precious moment I ever feel. Since after few months pregnant, I only gained 1.5kg. So little. My foot starting swollen. And getting heavy, that of cos. Since after hubby came back, he look more excited. :) 

Anyway, I can't concentrate more to my blog writing. Mom asyik chit chat with me until I lost idea to blogging. So gotta go~ See yea~

xoxo

Waiting~

One more day left and I'll see my lover. Three (3) months more than enough for us being apart from each other. I miss him so much. And I know how excited he is going back to his hometown. But I hope he is more excited on me instead chill out with his buddies. He had much fun when he still single. By now he should reduce his chilling happy hours activities. 

Exam weeks just finished last Friday. I felt relief but not 100%. I have no confidence on this semester exam papers. I bet I will received bad pointer. And gonna have to reset again. Left one semester to go. I planning to persuade college management to give me pass for my last semester. Only one subject mah. I cannot attend the class anymore after this. My tummy getting big and bigger. I bet I couldn't attend myself for the exam also. Even now I starting getting lazy to fool around. 

Alright.. now I feel lazy to blogging more.. gonna stop here. 

xoxo

Battle ahead!

Just had my next meal for the day. But yet I still feel hungry. I wanted to eat anything as long as my stomach full and I can stop awhile from chew any food. Tomorrow will be my 22nd weeks pregnancy. Oh my.. I am getting excited over welcoming my newborn baby. Baby getting more active kicking. 

Soon, hubby will come back home. It's been 3 months didn't see his face. I am so much missing him. By then he will experience what I did after this - touching my tummy, can feel and see the movement. I promise to my baby that we're gonna be a good parents to a good child. I hope daddy also the same in managing his new life after this. I want both of us show a good attitude to our children. 

Tomorrow is another tough day to go through. Final exam is here again. I have 4 papers in 4 days. I didn't attend for the whole class since day one this semester. My hormone (yes blaming to my pregnancy hormone) make me getting lazy and tired. I cannot focus to my work and study so I decided to quit my job. I thought I just surrender my study but too sayang.. I left 2 semesters and less than 5 subjects to go. So end up decided to seat for the exam only. I don't know if I can answer all the questions. I totally have no confidence for coming exam. Everything goes wrong from beginning but without all of this mistake and bad things happened, I won't know how adventures life could be.

One more week to go! Going to see hubby soon~ 

xoxo

Empty Words by Christina Aguilera

Empty Words

The funny thing about hurting people
Is they tend to hurt people
The funny thing about lies is
They're only lies
The funny thing about hearts is
They tend to break easy
The funny thing about healing is
I'm alright

Your voice was like a knife
It used to make me cry
You tried to cut my pride
Not this time

So go ahead and say the things you gotta say
You know you're only throwing empty words my way
Cause you won't break me, you won't break me
You can't take me down, no

The funny thing about listening is
I don't have to hear you and the
Funny thing about talking is
Your words are tired
Now I've come to realize that
Life can be cruel but
The only approval that I need is mine

Your voice was like a knife
It used to make me cry
You tried to cut my pride
Not this time (yeah)

So go ahead and say the things you gotta say
You know you're only throwing empty words my way
Cause you won't break me, you won't break me
You can't take me down, no

So go ahead and say the things you gotta say
It's only empty words a million miles away
Cause you won't break me, you won't break me
You can't take me down, no

The hardest part of this
Cannot be heard or seen
This journey starts when I begin loving me

So go ahead and say the things you gotta say
You know you're only throwing empty words my way
Cause you won't break me, you won't break me
You can't take me down, no

So go ahead and say the things you gotta say
It's only empty words a million miles away
Cause you won't break me, you won't break me
You can't take me down, no

So go ahead and say the things you gotta say
You know you're only throwing empty words my way

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SxjkgUvZptE

Christina Aguilera - Just a Fool ft. Blake Shelton (Lyrics) HD

Just a fool

Uh
Eah
Another shot of whiskey please bartender
Keep it coming til I don't remember at all
How bad it hurts when you're gone (no no no no)

Turn the music up a little bit louder
Just gotta get past the midnight hour (uh huh)
Maybe tomorrow it won't be this hard

Who am I kidding?
I know what I'm missing

Love, I had my heart set on you
But nothing else hurts like you do
Who knew that love was so cruel (yeah, yeah, yeah)
And I waited and waited so long
For someone who'll never come home
It's my fault to think you'd be true (yeah, yeah)
I'm just a fool
(Yeah)

[Blake Shelton]
I say that I don't care
And walk away whatever
And I tell myself we were bad together (uh huh)
But that's just me trying to move on without you

But who am I kidding?
I know what I'm missing

I'm, I had my heart set on you
But nothing else hurts like you do
Who knew that love was so cruel (yeah, yeah, yeah)
And I waited and waited so long
For someone who'll never come home
It's my fault to think you'd be true (yeah, yeah)
I'm just a fool

For holding onto something that's
Never ever gonna come back
I can't accept that it's lost

I should have let it go
Held my tongue
Kept my big mouth shut
'Cause now everything is just wrong
I'm thrown

I'm just a fool
A fool for you
I'm just a fool

And, I had my heart set on you (uh)
But nothing else hurts like you do
Who knew that love was so cruel (yeah, yeah, yeah)
And I waited and waited so long
For someone who'll never come home
It's my fault to think you'd be true (yeah, yeah)
I'm just a fool
I'm just a fool
I'm just a fool

It's my fault to think you'd be true (yeah, yeah, yeah)
I'm just a fool

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JHb_ps-JtaM

MY FEELING

Other than blogging, people like to express their feeling or telling what they are doing in Facebook or Twitter. So do I. Blog is one of my public diary. While Facebook just for me to share my photos of Noodle (dog), usually, with my friends in my Facebook friend list. But sometimes I do express my feeling too. It is much better than I post something that can harm me in other meaning, post what I have such as cars, where I live, how rich I am - what people doesn't have. I dislike 'showing off' my properties in public. Enough with what I have around me. I am poor person ler. Nothing to show off.

Today we're gonna talk about MY FEELING. Yes, my feeling. Unfairly feeling. I am sensitive over small or big issues nowadays. Pregnant woman full of emotionally. No doubt. In my entire life, my late father taught me how to be fair to everyone. He never let his children being so arrogant or unfairly to each other. But well, my brother was a spoiled brother when back time. Spoiled brother mean, anak manja. Everything he want will be granted by mom. While my needs and desire, I have to ask from dad or I have to struggle to get it by myself, mostly. Yes, I am living in independent. I do things by my own. I handle my stuffs by myself. I can say I live by myself. Being independent since school, I learned a lot of thing about life. A lot. 

It doesn't make any difference if your spouse doesn't get up on time, has horrible taste in clothes, forgets appointments or to take pills, loses the car keys, or never picks things up. If your parent your spouse, you are actually showing a lack of acceptance and a lack of respect for your spouse. 

If you have an immature or irresponsible husband, you may need to say this to yourself often: I am his wife, not his mother.

The first thing you need to do is realize that showing concern and caring for your spouse is normal and expected. It is when you cross that line into the parenting role that normal nurturing stops and parenting begins.

Often when life isn't working out the way we dreamed, we blame forces beyond our control. But just as often, the problem is staring at us in the mirror. I can't stress enough that when we learn to take responsibility for what we do and don't have, we put ourselves on the path to happiness. 

Your goal is to see if you can avoid that extreme option. First explore why he behaves this way. I find that when people act out with their money, it's typically because they don't value who they are. Sit down with him and talk to him about his attitude toward money, family's financial situation, and his self-image, all of this I did it many times. I spell out what I need to have happen to keep this marriage alive. But everything seems goes wrong to him and keep saying that I doesn't understand what he is trying to say, on and on. And I am shamed to have someone like him who doesn't put priority on to his own future family. He can says, he still need to take care of his parents feeling. I don't ask him to abandoned his family when they need him but the point is he should be more sensitive and considerate in making decision between me and him. He should take serious in this matter. I am no longer be patience until I have to give birth then I have to be a BEGGAR to ask for his money from his parents! 

Do he doesn't feel shame to his future parent in law? Get me to pregnant but doesn't put responsible enough to your woman. What a shame! He care about what his parents might think of us, BUT he doesn't care what will my side think about him on how he treat me. Do open your eyes wisely hubby. I am not asking for something that more than what I should have now. Be fair.

You come on as a guest. You don't get the girl anymore. But that is our lives. You start off as the boyfriend, then you are the lover, then you are the husband, then you are the father. And I came away from that experience, and it was a very difficult experience - I came to understand that you have to practice at being a good son to your parents but inconsiderate to your wife. Waiting for you to come back home is the hardest thing to do. I have to wait for 3 months to see you again. Now then everything change, we are going to have little family by our own. Be more considerate. If I don't get pregnant I still work my ass to get my earns. I rather not to beg you as a beggar to support me. I am not that type of person. But because of YOU I have to stop from working and have to be a beggar for supporting my expenses and our new born baby, many times!

Menyesal sungguh aku! 

xoxo

Behind every successful man is a proud wife and a surprised mother-in-law

A parent-in-law is a person who has a legal affinity with another by being the parent of the other's spouse. Many cultures and legal systems impose duties and responsibilities on persons connected by this relationship. A person is a son-in-law or daughter-in-law to the parents of the spouse, who are in turn also the parents of those sisters-in-law and brothers-in-law (if any) who are siblings of the spouse (as opposed to spouses of siblings). Together the members of this family affinity group are called the in-laws.

Mother and Mother-In-Law are two different character of mother hood meaning. One is your own mother who gave birth to you and another one is whom most of 'scary' episode in between of your marriage. I bet a lot of people outside there especially who is being a daughter in law in the in-law's family, afraid of what type of mother in law would they face and live with when they married into the family. But I don't say all of mother in law in this world are fierce. Some of them are too kind and too cheering. 

I know what kind of mother-in-law my mom would be. Yes of cos I know. I saw how she treat her in-law in our family. She doesn't seem like a mad or fierce mother-in-law but being a good one. She doesn't bubbling or controlling her in-law in doing anything in the house. She assumed her in-law no different than her own children. Yes I admit that. But I don't know how would my mother-in-law treat me in the future. That was the scary part and I always thinking about something that might harm me and my children. BUT little by little, I getting to know what kind of person she is. Doesn't mean to mess up about my future mother-in-law in here, but that's the fact.

Some mother-in-law were friends to their in-laws. I always hope my parents-in-law will treat me good as how they love their children. I married to my husband then of cause I wanted to be treat the same as I will be a part of their family too. Children still under their protection forever. Yes that's cannot be change but once their children involved in new life - marriage, some part might change in between the parents and their children. For example, before married, the parents may be in charge or control their children earnings or financial or even their life. Once they married, the parents shouldn't do the same again because the children married to a woman / man that they love and believe to manage and handle their own marriage. 

I have no doubt if my parents-in-law still in charge for my husband life including his financial, daily routine, etc. When I start my little family with a man that I love, I want my man to be understanding my situation as a wife. I want my man consider on how I will handle and manage our family. I as a wife, be together with him until forever for building up our family. I want my children will be proud to have both of their grandparents. I know if I be a bad or too demanding and materialistic daughter-in-law would harm myself in the future. Why would I make myself and my child living in the crash? 

When I get married I want a mother in law that will adore me and one that I'll actually like. Yes, for my next marriage this is what I want in my relationship with my parents in law. Not like the previous marriage, my parents in law wasn't what I expected. What they know is not bothering to have a daughter in law like me who is working. I don't understand them actually. Seriously, I have no idea what my ex ever say to them until they thought that I am a demanding person. My ex have his own problem in managing his $$. I am someone that can be fair enough with everyone. Meaning, if you got a bundle of candies, then another person will get the same thing too. I want everybody be happy without any prejudice among each other. 

I'm not digging out the past. But just for sharing. My ex parents in law never come to have a visit nor to call to know how I am. There were only one purpose when they come, asking for $$. I was thought deeply in my heart, they might thought their son given half of his earning to his mother in law just because their son live with me. For entire of the marriage, my ex never gave even 1 cent for my mother. Never. Yet my mother never complain about that. She know we were trying harder to build our own living expenses that keep on increasing day to day. If there is someone asking me how my mom treat her in laws, I give my mom 99% the most kind mother in law. She never yell or mad or even bubbling to her in laws. She treat her in law much better than her own daughter. Yes that's true. No bullshit. You can try. LMAO! 

Behind every successful man is a proud wife and a surprised mother-in-law. 

xoxo

Easter Sunday

Attended my first class for this semester. Well, I've been 'escaped' for 3 months from attending the classes. My situation not allowed me to busy myself as a student like previous time. I miss my college environment where I can meet my course mates and college mates. And for the first time I laughed out loud and enjoyed my day with them, yesterday. It's been so long I don't hang out and joke around with them. We went to shopping mall and spent our time at bookstore though it just for short time. Will meet them again starting from tomorrow until exam week.

Exam just around the corner. I have 2 more weeks to struggle up for my exam. And this might going to be my last semester. Hopefully no re-seat exam. *Finger cross*

Today is Easter Sunday. I know I don't go to church on every Sunday. Yes my sins bertimbun macam bukit. God please forgive me, forgive my sins. Sunday, as usual, just staying at home doing the same routine. Nothing much different. I getting lazy to go out and drive out the car. Lazy to drive lah itu. What to say today is Sunday lagi lah I feel lazy to drive. But whenever mom is around, there is no other way to escape if she want to go out for groceries or even just to hang out. I am getting heavy what.. I cannot walk or stand up for so long. I easy get weak and starting leg cramp. Thinking how would I proceed with any of my plans for travelling within my pregnancy. 

Alright the speech have to stop until here for today. Need ready for 'work hard' in the kitchen. My baby is waiting to be feed. See yea again~

Happy blessed Sunday Easter. God bless us~ Amen. 

Baby movement getting more active

Baby movement getting more often today. Seems like baby getting active inside there. While mummy feel like geli because still can't get use with the movement. My mom say I will get more active and aggressive movement on my 6 months above. 

Movement is good sign for the baby. Meaning baby is active moving inside. How I wish your daddy were here and can feel the movement too, baby. So that he know how wonderful you are. And he might change his thought toward your mummy. Your dad never wanted to listen to me. Every of my words just a word to him. For him, I am not that someone so special in other meaning. Like I just bluff about what I said. He thought that I might cheat on him with my knowledge, smart, and intelligent mind. I don't know what should I do to change your dad mind set. May be that attitude already buried in his mindset, 

Baby, I hope, not to say hope, I want you to be smart, obedient and genius in every path you take. And of cause my baby is a healthy and cute child as mummy. It's alright if your daddy doesn't love mummy as much he love himself. I still have my baby accompany me. Mummy love you baby.

God bless you always. Amen.

I'll do by my way

I want he change the way he is thinking about his life. He is no more living in his only world. I don't know if he really love me. I feel a little regret with this relationship. Like I said in my previous blog, time to time, the feeling getting less and lesser. He makes me this. I've changed to be someone that acceptable on his enjoyment life just because I love him. Once I fall in love, forever I will love that man, from the bottom of my heart. But now then I feel myself being cheated. I feel like he doesn't really take serious on this relationship. He pay less attention toward me, toward my situation right now. It's all because of him. He makes this. 

Honestly I say, I am seriously sensitive now. It's normal for pregnant women but what can we do to rid out this feeling. We have reason why we act like this. We need attention. Fully attention, if could, from our man. We not need gold for our desire. I just want him to understand my feeling. But he seems doesn't care at all. What kind of person he is?? No sense of humanity. 

I hold myself not to tears just for the sake of my baby. He even post his new status in Facebook with question 'What I did wrong?' Well, this is my don't know how many times to explain. He is someone that doesn't know how to manage his life in proper way. As a responsible person. What he know is spending his money for something that not so valuable. Bad spending habits. He have ought to change a new car, AGAIN! What more important other than me whom bearing his child here and there? But he have guts to change his car again. Another way to waste his money. If he so afraid that I will spend all his money once I married to him, he is wrong. Totally wrong. It's not like I never spending or never own thousand money. If he still wanna live as a single man, enjoy spending his money with his buddies, he shouldn't destroyed other people life. 

I have a good life though I live with someone that hard to predict his character, before this. But living by my own most of the time, spend my own time for work, chilling out with my buddies - I have a great life previously better than now that I have my baby accompany me. After this I will only focus to my child. Because he / she the only one will cheer me up, be beside me when ever I happy or sad, play with me all the time, hug me when I need a hug, shopping with me, laugh with me - color my days. My child will be my BEST BUDDIES starting from now on. My baby can feel and listen to what I feel and what I am doing.

I wonder when will he change his mindset. I am too sad when I have to be his invisible brain to tell him how should he arrange his ways to change. I am worry how will my child survive a better life with a father that doesn't know how to change the way he should change. I doesn't want he be a native man who doesn't have initiative to change his mind set to be a better person. Not spoiling himself with what he wanted to do for his own use! I rather not to be updated person in fashion lifestyle just for the sake of my child. As long as my child have a better life that's more than make me happy. Jangankan haiwan lagi aku jaga and beri sepenuh perhatian ini kan pula manusia. You can see what type of person that someone, you can see how that person manage his / her life. How he / she conduct and treat other people in front of you. How good that person in sharing you any advice and suggestions? After all, you can judge the person by seeing his / her kindness. Not by what he / she mumble over you about small thing. Come on... you are no longer small kid that need people to give advice and manage you all the time. 

I'm having hard time here, won't you understand? Every night I pray to Lord, ask for forgiveness, and pray to guide my man not into temptation but onto the right path. I don't need or ask for golds or diamond or million money. He shouldn't ruined my life since the first time he interrupted me. He shouldn't continue this relationship further more if he have intention to spoil my life. Now what can he do? NOTHING! NOTHING AT ALL! Now I have to face all his wrongdoings. Money cannot lead you to a better life if you keep on acting like you are the king just because you have that 'much' money you proud with!

Promise by promises. Yet everything still pending just like that. I will see if he really make his promises this time. But high percentage I can say he will make don't know or just ignore what he did promised. I have my limit. I did everything I can. But non of it make me happy. Because he never wanted to accept what I said. So why don't you be a someone I can proud with?

Alright! Wouldn't it be better if I just let he go this time. He can have his own life back. And I can raise my own child without a father. It's ok.. I get used to get hurts by anyone. People might mock or do something on him for beginning but this story will drawn by silence from time to time. I will do it by my way. I just doesn't want to get hurt more and more deeply after this. No more tears and heart broken. I will let my family to do what they should do after this. Might bring over this issue to upper level. I don't mind if he doubt on my pregnancy. We can wait until I give birth and do the DNA. If he need to do the DNA, meaning he never put his trust and belief on me as how I put my trust toward him before my heart broken after I found out he lied me. He getting use with his lies. Never mind for all of that. I still have my family beside me. We will choose legal law to proceed everything after this. He can do the same too. Furthermore, he have money and he is affordable to hire a lawyer. Well, money is everything rite? But he will never can touch my child. I will story to my child about how his / her parents love story began. And I have no reason not to tell who is his / her biological father. 

There's nothing to discuss further about this relationship. Even he have to kneel in front of my house to ask for forgiveness. Too much heartache he gave. So I have nothing to say after that. I've said everything I wanted to say yesterday. I don't hope he understand it. Because I knew he will never wanted to understand everything about me. What he know about me is I keep pressuring him for something that not important for him. Oh well.. you can have your own way after this. Thanks for giving me a good time. This child is a priceless gift from God. And I will teach him how to be a better person to every women in this world. With God willing. Amen. 

May God bless my baby. Hallelujah.