I want he change the way he is thinking about his life. He is no more living in his only world. I don't know if he really love me. I feel a little regret with this relationship. Like I said in my previous blog, time to time, the feeling getting less and lesser. He makes me this. I've changed to be someone that acceptable on his enjoyment life just because I love him. Once I fall in love, forever I will love that man, from the bottom of my heart. But now then I feel myself being cheated. I feel like he doesn't really take serious on this relationship. He pay less attention toward me, toward my situation right now. It's all because of him. He makes this.
Honestly I say, I am seriously sensitive now. It's normal for pregnant women but what can we do to rid out this feeling. We have reason why we act like this. We need attention. Fully attention, if could, from our man. We not need gold for our desire. I just want him to understand my feeling. But he seems doesn't care at all. What kind of person he is?? No sense of humanity.
I hold myself not to tears just for the sake of my baby. He even post his new status in Facebook with question 'What I did wrong?' Well, this is my don't know how many times to explain. He is someone that doesn't know how to manage his life in proper way. As a responsible person. What he know is spending his money for something that not so valuable. Bad spending habits. He have ought to change a new car, AGAIN! What more important other than me whom bearing his child here and there? But he have guts to change his car again. Another way to waste his money. If he so afraid that I will spend all his money once I married to him, he is wrong. Totally wrong. It's not like I never spending or never own thousand money. If he still wanna live as a single man, enjoy spending his money with his buddies, he shouldn't destroyed other people life.
I have a good life though I live with someone that hard to predict his character, before this. But living by my own most of the time, spend my own time for work, chilling out with my buddies - I have a great life previously better than now that I have my baby accompany me. After this I will only focus to my child. Because he / she the only one will cheer me up, be beside me when ever I happy or sad, play with me all the time, hug me when I need a hug, shopping with me, laugh with me - color my days. My child will be my BEST BUDDIES starting from now on. My baby can feel and listen to what I feel and what I am doing.
I wonder when will he change his mindset. I am too sad when I have to be his invisible brain to tell him how should he arrange his ways to change. I am worry how will my child survive a better life with a father that doesn't know how to change the way he should change. I doesn't want he be a native man who doesn't have initiative to change his mind set to be a better person. Not spoiling himself with what he wanted to do for his own use! I rather not to be updated person in fashion lifestyle just for the sake of my child. As long as my child have a better life that's more than make me happy. Jangankan haiwan lagi aku jaga and beri sepenuh perhatian ini kan pula manusia. You can see what type of person that someone, you can see how that person manage his / her life. How he / she conduct and treat other people in front of you. How good that person in sharing you any advice and suggestions? After all, you can judge the person by seeing his / her kindness. Not by what he / she mumble over you about small thing. Come on... you are no longer small kid that need people to give advice and manage you all the time.
I'm having hard time here, won't you understand? Every night I pray to Lord, ask for forgiveness, and pray to guide my man not into temptation but onto the right path. I don't need or ask for golds or diamond or million money. He shouldn't ruined my life since the first time he interrupted me. He shouldn't continue this relationship further more if he have intention to spoil my life. Now what can he do? NOTHING! NOTHING AT ALL! Now I have to face all his wrongdoings. Money cannot lead you to a better life if you keep on acting like you are the king just because you have that 'much' money you proud with!
Promise by promises. Yet everything still pending just like that. I will see if he really make his promises this time. But high percentage I can say he will make don't know or just ignore what he did promised. I have my limit. I did everything I can. But non of it make me happy. Because he never wanted to accept what I said. So why don't you be a someone I can proud with?
Alright! Wouldn't it be better if I just let he go this time. He can have his own life back. And I can raise my own child without a father. It's ok.. I get used to get hurts by anyone. People might mock or do something on him for beginning but this story will drawn by silence from time to time. I will do it by my way. I just doesn't want to get hurt more and more deeply after this. No more tears and heart broken. I will let my family to do what they should do after this. Might bring over this issue to upper level. I don't mind if he doubt on my pregnancy. We can wait until I give birth and do the DNA. If he need to do the DNA, meaning he never put his trust and belief on me as how I put my trust toward him before my heart broken after I found out he lied me. He getting use with his lies. Never mind for all of that. I still have my family beside me. We will choose legal law to proceed everything after this. He can do the same too. Furthermore, he have money and he is affordable to hire a lawyer. Well, money is everything rite? But he will never can touch my child. I will story to my child about how his / her parents love story began. And I have no reason not to tell who is his / her biological father.
There's nothing to discuss further about this relationship. Even he have to kneel in front of my house to ask for forgiveness. Too much heartache he gave. So I have nothing to say after that. I've said everything I wanted to say yesterday. I don't hope he understand it. Because I knew he will never wanted to understand everything about me. What he know about me is I keep pressuring him for something that not important for him. Oh well.. you can have your own way after this. Thanks for giving me a good time. This child is a priceless gift from God. And I will teach him how to be a better person to every women in this world. With God willing. Amen.
May God bless my baby. Hallelujah.
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