I can't change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sail to always reach my destination.

Here I am back again...

I know you guys waiting forward to know what happen to me now yea. Well as what the title tell it all, here I am again, still alive. I've been away from everything for a week? I think so. As I didn't alert on the calendar. I know I am so the very miserable this whole month caused of the certain problems. I managed to pull back myself although not 100% cure. But I still thanks to God that He could brought me again; to try for the new chapter of my life. I know it sound tough but isn't I should be strong-minded? And I know this kind of thing wouldn't be the same as previous. I knew there's something wrong with the relation that I couldn't say it out here. I wish I can have another chance to tell him what the exactly happened but I knew there will be no more chances. 

Well its not the actual story I wanna blog here. It's about what I did when I was away. I went to some place that very nice environment and peaceful. Oppss! Not gonna share where is the place. And there is few things new about me. Well, nothing wrong to be new right as long as it can give us strength to go on with our life. Like the title above, 'I can't change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sail to always reach my destination.'. I can change my boat's sail, to achieve my dreams. I must move on with my life as now I have more tough tasks to do. I'm back to study and give my soul and body to God. Right now I don't need to push myself to think about any relations around, which made me became someone that lost direction recently. I have to think selfish for myself as I never think about my own future. But its doesn't mean I forget about my responsibilities to the family. No. I still care about them just that I need to focus more about my future. More supportive are appreciate and God will return it to you guys. I need be more strong-minded in everything starting from now. I should change some part of me starting from now on. There will be no more babies topic or marriage topic in the future, not even LOVE topic. I don't go for it at the moment. Not even once.  LPK, served you to have some sort of cheap inn girl to be with you. And I am not same level as that girl. Cheap sales girl some more. I know what happened to you but then you don't even let me to cure you so just go on with the fake feeling love then. Eueww~ 

A lot of things I learned since many years ago. It's the right time to start the new chapter. So nothing to loss! 

The sunshine shinning bright right into me ~

xoxo

I'm back!!

Oh my! I miss my blog! Now only that I have free time to blog. Been away for a week (for certain reason). Here I am! Feeling fresh and energizer! I left some horrible moment behind and thinking further for future. Although there is few complicated problem still but I have to be more supportive for my own self. Will start my chapter for 2011 soon, yea I know I kinda late for that but I assuming January 2011 is December 2010. So doesn't matter about when and what year to be change. Ok then.. there is something to share with but not in this blog entry. Will continue for next entry. Soon~ Very very soon de~~

xoxo

No title for the pain of sorrow

It's 4th day and the high fever still. I preventing myself to take any medication. I don't have the mood for doing everything even go to clinic. I have no strength at all for living. No more power to survive. The first teardrops since after was feel heat. Right now, I using the little strength left to blogging about my sorrows. And might take long time not to blog after this. I've done nothing lately. 

Most terrible effect that I keep on doing mistake in my career. Mistake occur time to time. I seems lost my soul and the most pain when I keep on pondering in daytime. I know I can't do anything with it and I know the result stays the same. No one know how painful I am inside. Painful until I would die soon or later.

I have to put full stop here, right now. I wish I can be with him for the last time ever. I wish I can hug and kiss him for the sake of my pain. And I wish I can be with him ... forever.

To someone, do understand the real meaning of sorrow; painful that never will can cure. 
To someone, do feel the pain of love that you've given.

xoxo

I'll be away ...

I'll be away ... soon. Away from everything. Some place that might for goodness.

I'll be away ... with my love to someone. 

I'll be away ... with the smile of someone, the eyes, the heart, every part of him.

I'll be away ... with the love that he ever gave.

I'll be away ... with the warmest I ever have.

I'll be away ... to the place where we ever go to.

I'll be away ... with all joyful that we ever had.

I'll be away ... with tears and sadness.

I'll be away ... with all the things he gave.

I'll be away ... with the songs he ever dedicated to me.

I'll be away ... with everything about him; from the first day I met him until the last day I down. 

I'll be away ~

Why Not Me?

Escaping nights without you with shadows on the wall

My mind is running wild trying hard not to fall

You told me that you love me but say I’m just a friend

My heart is broken up into pieces

Cos I know I’ll never free my soul

it’s trapped between true love and being alone

When my eyes are closed the greatest story told

I woke and my dreams are shattered here on the floor

Why oh why tell me why not me

Why oh why we were meant to be

Baby I know I could be all you need

Why oh why oh why

I wanna love you

If you only knew how much I love you

So why not me

The day after tomorrow I’ll still be around

To catch you when you fall and ever let you down

you say that we’re forever our love will never end

I’ve tried to come up but it’s drowning me to know

You’ll never feel my soul

It’s trapped between true love and being alone

when my eyes are closed the greatest story told

I woke and my dreams are shattered here on the floor

Tell me baby why oh why tell me why not me

Why oh why we were meant to be

Baby I know I could be all you need

why oh why oh why

I wanna love you

If you only knew how much I love you

So why not me

You won’t ever know

How far we can go

You won’t ever know

How far we can go (go)

Why oh why tell me why not me

why oh why we were meant to be

Baby I know I could be all you need

Why oh why oh why

Why oh why tell me why not me

Why oh why we were meant to be

Baby I know I could be all you need

Why oh why oh why oh why

I wanna love you

If you only knew how much I love you

so why not me

(why not me, why not me)

A moment of 2010~

I supposed post this entry earlier in 2011. But then I forgot to post as I kept it in draft for so long until today. But then I did add on some in.

Year 2010 was a tough yet miserable year for me. I've been through very hard life for a year. Tried harder to get myself out from everything that can make me happy. I still remember what have I done in year 2010. But yet there were happy moment too, perhaps.

The happiest moment I have and yet kept inside my mind and soul is with someone so special. It might just ordinary moment for certain people but it's was a great moment to be with that someone. Although we always involved ourselves with argument but what does it mean if there's no argument exist in any relations? Right? 

Year 2010, it was the 5th anniversary of my idol, beloved dad. I am so sad that I couldn't have chance to visit him on that day. Mom afraid to go as only two of us. So we both decided not to go and wait my brother back then we can go visit him. Tak terasa pula oredy 5 years. Times passing so fast. It's like just yesterday he leave me alone in this cruel world. Dad, what a great moment you gave to me when you still around and now you leaved me with all the mess and you know that I am not that strong to go through all of that. If I could take you back home dad, I will force you to stay. I love you dad. I do ~

Year 2010, full of sadness.

Year 2010 brought me a great moment too when Valentines Day fall on Chinese New Year. It was the most wonderful moment I had. The great adventure with dear Eng Eng for Valentines Day project. I was unwell on the day we departed. I had my high fever and flu on the day I reached Sibu. I couldn't walk on waiting for Wan Ling to show up so I end up forced Eng Eng to get a hotel room for us. I afraid that I only making things more worse. It was bad situation when I get really high fever and there's no clinic open late at night. And get myself cough and asthma on the 3rd day. Maybe because of the temperature and tired yet it a long journey to go on. I've never drive myself for long distance. Some more only 2 of us. What a great lady there. I couldn't sleep on the first night and changed for few times the cool fever tape. Eng Eng forced me to take my porridge as I hasn't full up my stomach. I just ma fan Eng Eng with my sickness for the trip. Sigh. But then I forced myself to be more brave and didn't bother to let my family know that I am sick, especially to that someone. I don't want he get worry of me so that I just told him that I was fine but the truth is I am sick. some more. Geez! Staying in Sibu for few days and went to Sarikei for few days. It was tiring journey as I drove from Sarikei straight to Bintulu. And that was the wonderful moment I have again.. my lovely someone waiting me in Bintulu. I am so so happy. He sacrificed his time and CNY holiday just to pick me back to Miri. We stay for a night at Bintulu. And I do appreciate that moment although we stayed at the place that I dislike. It's been so long we didn't spend holiday together since after KL trip. I wish I could turn back time and stop the moment we together. I appreciate our life so much. Never a little I regret to be with him. I miss my honeyboo~

And now we were in year 2011. And my life still the same. I think I don't need to say it here what it is as I've wrote down everything since what had happened after new year eve. I slipped down inside toilet yesterday and that was killing me in pain. Damn! Hurts me deeply! I twisted my arm and wrist. And I couldn't take any heavy things at the moment. And it takes long time for me to type the keyboard, take things, and so on. I couldn't use fully my left side body. I thought I broke my arm yesterday. But the pain still there until now. Couldn't move freely. Sigh! I couldn't imagine again how it felt. 

Have to stop here as my arm and wrist starting sore again.

xoxo

Rumah Harapan Sakit Jiwa

Arggghh!! Rumah cam rumah sakit jiwa. Sik lamak gik aku pun jadi gila kenak olah mak aku eh.. Asal pagi mesti merepak jak kerja. Sekda kerja lain kah mok di polah nya. Aku mok tidur nyaman pun sik dapat. Dah lah malam hari sik lena tidur , awal pagi pula nya berolah cam orang moriann.. Cam pagi tok tek..entah apa2 kah nya berteriak nganok nenek J. Aduhhh... aku rasa satu tempat tinggal tok lah dapat dengar suara nya. Sik lamak kena tekanan jiwa mun masih cam tok. Hidup sik pernah tenteram. Dah lah problem sendiri berlambak. Sial benar ehh..tok kah tuah tahun 2011?? 

Aku sik tau lah apa jadi ngan cdak umah tok. Benda nok patut di polah sik polah. Benda nok sik patut bok mok molah. Ne lah tahan mok duduk kat umah. 5 hari kerja tension kena hal kerja. Balit umah pun sekda cam umah. Orang mun balit umah tenteram rasa. Tok sik.. Ishh!! Asal weekend jak mok bangun lewat dikit alu lah alarm bebunyi. Kat umah tok akhir gne ko tidur malam mok bangun akhir keesokan hari nya memang sik pat juak. Mak aku jadi alarm. Mun sik ngan nenek nya merepak, ngan aku nya cari pasal. Apahal ngan nya ia?? Mun sik suka nanga orang perempuan kat umah tok, biar aku jak angkat. Biar nya duduk jak ngan cdak laki kat umah tok. Mun nya mok hidup tenteram ubah perange dolok. Bertahun tahun dah aku tinggal sama ngan nya, sik pernah nak berubah. Makin lagi ada lah. Gne anak mok respect nya kalo nya makin kedak tok. Aku benar benar tetekan ehh.. Dah lah sekda tempat mengadu. Mok mengadu ngan sapa? Member2 pun ada hal masing2. Ada gerek pun sik guna juak. Haiz.. apa nak jadi ngan hidup aku tok lak. Aku tok cam hidup tak bernyawa. Semua benda aku handle sendiri. Sakit hantar sendiri. Kerja drive sendiri. Makan sendiri. Menangis sendiri. Jalan sendiri. Semua sendiri. Aku sik pernah cam tok. Mun aku sekda relations problem at least ada lah tempat aku mengadu bersyahdu. Tok sik..semua cam raja. Semua mok menang. Ada hari lak aku lari dari cdak semua tok bok tau. Sekda gik cdak nanga muka aku bok tau. 

Sigh!! Cakap pun tak guna. Terrible life!

xoxo

Again... sadness

I can't barely looking at wedding photos that posted on my facebook updated news. It make me feel so sorrow that I couldn't tahan not to cry...again. The love story make me feel so touch and weak. I wish to wear lovely wedding gowns and take the most valuable photos in my life as I never take before. What a pity person I am right? I thought that I will be bless for a wonderful memorable wedding with someone that I really love this time. All is just a dream that never will come true. As the person never will return back. No feeling...huh..I don't have more teardrop.. I closed my door to anyone.

What a sadness life I have now. Since before until today. I never can achieve for happiness while others happily with their love happy ending chapter. I have no place to express my feeling. It's really sick to keep everything in your heart. I feel my whole body don't even touch the ground. I took 2 - 3 hours to finish my meals. Whenever he is around, I have strength to live on, so much happy until I could forget about every problems I have. Honestly swear from the bottom of my heart that I am so so happy when he is around. But then its really hurt my heart when I couldn't hug him, kiss, pamper and even touch him. I couldn't. I cried inside and that is the most painful feeling. I bet this is the end of my life. It ruining my life again. I will collapse anytime. Anytime. I will permanently lost. 

No one can cure me not even one. Not even my family. No one can understand me. Drawn until don't know where will it stop. I'll feel sad everytime I see a happy family or a parents bring their children around, pregnant woman shown happy face and loving couple with their happy life. Why I can't have that kind of moment? I will be like this...forever. (Dying...) He so keen to see I'm dying like this. He don't even have heart to see how pain I am right now.

xoxo

Emotion

Done with cooking. What a great... I am too tired for everything. Yea..EVERYTHING. Everything that never will happy ending. Emotion that will be remain. Sad emotion the most will just stay forever as it does gave huge impact to me. Happy emotion, that would be takes time. Well, I don't know what to say more in here as I have messy mind right now. Later on type lintang pukang pula.

What I want to say is I'm happy beside him. I don't know how can I tell how is the feeling when beside him. Like the world is bright although in night time. He's my sunshine although he's not mine anymore. It was wonderful moment we had yesterday. Sitting while chit chat with wave sound roughly. Feel want to hug him but I couldn't. Want he hug me so that I can cool down my emotion but I afraid. It's so hard. So hard. He couldn't give himself a chance. While I pray so hard for that. He please to say 'be tabah'. He know how it feel being tabah? It wouldn't be as great as walking on the ground. I have no idea what will happen to me in the future with all the mess around. It wont be great as before. Never will be the same. I don't know where it start wrongly. 

Stomach buat ragam today. Seems it know how I feel at the moment. I ate like I didn't eat at all. 3 - 4 spoons can make me full. How will I survive like this? I have no strength as no one beside me. Being hurt by someone you truly care about leaves a hole in heart that only love can fill. 

The never happy ending stories~

xoxo

I am dying

I need medicine of drug to bring me back to alive!! Seriously!! Help me!! I am dying from depressed! I couldn't breath in the darkness. Help me!! Soon or later I'll be death zombie which is alive without mind. I totally couldn't make everything seems nothing wrong. I am no fake. I did tried. I really need drug to stop myself from thinking anything that can make me from despondency!!!! 

xoxo

When the door closed ...

Smile for nothing, cry for something, sad for same thing..

Basically, the pain never will ending.

The memories remain be with me until the day my door close. And when the time come, don’t look back on me. As the door is closed. Don’t say I never love, don’t say I never care, don’t say I never worry, don’t say I never concern, don’t say I never stay, don’t say I never back, and don’t say I never beg. I’ve been given chances for few times and cried harder to show how deep my love toward you. And that’s it, you easily says out you have no more feeling. No more love. No more care. No more concern. How good if I can see thoroughly your heart but I know that you just lied. Lied for a reason that you never will say out. When I saw your face, it shown that you not happy. I can see deep inside your eyes that you never forget me. Never hate me that much. I can see how deep is your love toward me even though you said you have no more feeling. And I know you lie.. I know. We’ve been together for quite long and what I never did to know you? We ever staying together for few times. What I never touch about you? We ever walk together, what I never held on you? Why would that be? Because I know..I know about you. Just gona stand there and watch me burn, it’s alright. I like the way you see me burning.

I will stays love until the door closed, I will stays miss until the day door closed. I will stays worry until the day door closed.

When the door closed, it would never will be open anymore. As I burned.

xoxo

Photoshooting section

Went for general photos shoot this evening with photographer Vie. And the model was Mel and me. Been so long didn't do some photos shoot. Since after the incident that I 'terjatuh'. Geez! Had fun today although quite tired. While in the middle photoshooting, tapak kasut tertanggal pula. Apa punya nasib nihh.. then stomach suddenly pain. Might because too much poses. :p But the photoshooting was great and fun. While we doing photos shoot, one group of photographer passing by and did 'offer' themselves curi curi take some picture of us. Aren't we pretty and cute mah? What a pleasant chance.. we did it at 2 places. Even though I do look pale but have to brave myself to smile and cheers. Of cause lah, other people still can smile and laugh when surrounding of friends while I still stucking myself in the past. What a good time that someone have right now. 

Soon or later I need to focus on the business as I've been away for quite sometimes. I bet some of the customers are waiting to shop for the coming CNY. Alright dear babes, I'll be back soon for new items. Need to check on air ticket for coming CNY too. Woo woo~ away myself to somewhere~~ Well guess need to pamper myself awhile. Thanks to someone on what you did to me. It's bring a million painful without any medicine to cure it. 

xoxo

Another day to go ~~

Just came back home from doing some matter. The wind on it mode of sound, blowing gently on to my face. What a nice day to me..hope it wont rain today. Had my full of protein breakfast today, took my medicine and Vit, done with my room, shower done. Had my head spinning while walk out just now. Afraid that I can faint anytime anywhere. Geez! Hmmm.. thinking what I am gona do for today (thinking mode). Boringness!~ My dear Eng Eng didn’t look for me since last few days. Miss her. Huhu~ I bet she might still golek here n there on her bed. And might busy with her daily routine. What a mother hood life she got~ Happy for her.

I get my flu today but trying harder not to get it so serious as I preventing myself to take any medication without doctor advise before I get the result. Suffering uh like this.. Not to think much about it. It’s all the best for me. Well, why would I beg for someone that never will return uh. What use of him to be love if he couldn’t give any love although he knew what is happening now. Blekk! Keep on saying ‘mark your words’ while before this never know how to be more strict on every action he’s doing. Konon lah tek.. Go on with those egois attitude.

I do have few plans for myself this year 2011. And I don’t need to think about who is going to judge me or who is going to control my life. The big plan that in progressing is getting myself back to continuing what I’ve been stop before, study. Hello, I pun nak berjaya untuk diri sendiri juga. If I could ‘bloated’ this time, I need to think further. I wont living as a single mom (if) without stable financial from myself. (If not, nothing to loss le) Cinta tak boleh paksa punya. If he happy for what he did, let it. So much lies? Sit with your heart open, knock your heart gently, close your eyes and lastly ask your heart if your love never come out with lies. Lies is existed when it for goodness. But heart doesn’t lie.

Sprinkles your heart

xoxo

"In God's Hands" by Nelly Furtado

I looked at your face I saw that all the love had died
I saw that we had forgotten to take the time
I, I saw that you couldn't care less about what you do
Couldn't care less about the lies
You couldn't find the time to cry

We forgot about love
We forgot about faith
We forgot about trust
We forgot about us

Now our love's floating out the window
Our love's floating out the back door
Our love's floating up in the sky in heaven
Where it began back in God's hands

You said that you had said all that you had to say
You said baby it's the end of the day
And we gave a lot but it wasn't enough
We got so tired that we just gave up

We didn't respect it
We went and neglected it
We didn't deserve it
But I never expected this

Our love floated out the window
Our love floated out the back door
Our love floated up in the sky to heaven
It's part of a plan
It's back in God's hands
Back in God's hands

It didn't last
It's a thing of the past
Oh we didn't understand
Just what we had
Oh I want it back
Just what we had
Oh I want it back
Oh just what we had 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3_eNVS6dDMM

Annual Lunch?

I've been working with this kind 'kedekut' of company. Since working, this is the first time I heard about Annual Lunch. It takes me about a minute to think back if I heard wrongly when colleagues mentioning about it. What Annual Lunch instead Annual Dinner? Funny le.. My lady boss arrange to have Annual Lunch on coming few weeks before Chinese New Year. As all the bosses around on the day. She did instructed everyone to get sponsorship (which is suppliers and contractors) for the Lucky Draw event. What the... Shameless lah. I am not going to do that. Hutang with suppliers tak bayar lagi ini kan pula nak minta 'sedekah'. Euwww~ I don't mind to get sponsor from suppliers as it normal to do when comes to any Annual Dinner. I did it many times for my previous company. But its when I manage to pay my suppliers on time. The lunch will takes from 1pm - 4pm..cehh..3 hours more than enough to have lunch lah. Our lady boss said, she wont sponsor any cents for lucky draw and she want the high class hotel with cheap pay. Uh huh..then why not just had Annual Dinner at Gloria Hotel as it own by the Lao Pan. You want high class hotel at least you know how much you need for the budget mah. If so stingy don't spend any cents lah. Keep the money until you manage to own it. You also makan gaji wat. Ishh..kedekut mau mampus! She's quite busy lately. When she busy, I must prevent myself from kena eat by her. But then I couldn't escape from that as I must see her more than 5 times a day. Sigh!

Everybody preparing themselves for coming Chinese New Year festival. Guess everyone will not be around on the weeks of the festival or after. I've plan. It's few months ago plan. Still thinking. Friends seen me not in the cheers mood lately, so they suggest me to go for refresh my mind. Yea I should but still thinking where to go. Depend on my lady boss if she approve my leave and how is it. Or thinking to visit KCH for CNY festival. Miss my all relatives on CNY. Away myself to somewhere. For something. And somehow. 

xoxo

Move on for the little (hopefully)

It is the time I should put down on everything. I'll just follow the flow where it takes me. Living alone much better instead keep on painful because of people around. At least I can less down my suffer. How rich you are wont bring happiness to me. Many people would said, money can buy everything. Do money can buy soul? Happiness? If so, tell me the honest feeling about that. For me, the true meaning of love is important. I know I wont fall in love so easy when the time I be single. I am tired listening to those crap sweet words from guys. All is bullshit. Tunjuk lagak jer..fake. I wont suicide that fast. Being human ain't easy. You'll find sadness more than happiness. 

But now then, I shouldn't feel sad. I have to think for myself. For something that I hope to be. My little small.. I couldn't siting more longer nowadays. I have to start concern and take seriously on my daily nutrition from now on. Must take care of myself. I should smile and cheers from now on. It's all for 'the hope'. 

And the other someone, thanks for loving me. I wanted to be care by you forever, but it just a dream that never comes true. Since before only one thing always stay beside me whenever I need you, your "hello kitty". I didn't say a word how's my life gone through when you apart from me for few months. I mad to myself when every time yelled & mad on you. I wish you could feel my sadness inside, but you aren't. I am sorry & regretful losing you. But it's too late for everything. Now then you have nothing to worry anymore. I wont be there to disturb you again...

xoxo

Saved by the bell

What a day..I almost forgot that I have appointment with Doctor today. Geez! Too much in my mind and yet its still a tough year I have going through. Went to specialist for consultant today. My lady boss wont agreed if I take any type of leave so I've decided to excuse myself from working hours for my appointment. It's been arranged since last week. It's all for the best of myself. I have to think further now then, I must try to go on no matter what will happen next. Doc A did ask me to come again for 2nd appointment..if..if lah I don't preggy. But if I do before that, I have to follow up myself with mother hood checkup every month. I feel excited when thinking about preggy. I always pray and wish to get myself 'bloated'. Which women never feel happy when they can 'bloated' for their love one le.. I braved myself walked in to the clinic and hoping that I will get my answer for my questions. And I do felt confidence on that. Although I felt upset without someone that I love beside me, I have to give more strength to myself. It's not the better time for us meet up and involve in love matters. That's the matter that I would like to tell him but I do have no strength to say a words about that. As I saw his 'empty feeling' water face. Yet I failed again to say everything that I've wanted to say before that. :'( 

Doc A gave me an medication for my treatment. It does for hormone more balance. I am asking myself, what will I do if I 'bloated'?? How will I face it from everybody?? Will I be fine?? Will someone that I love protect me when I 'bloated' of him?? Questions still with questions. And answer will never be answer...sighhhh!! Tiring~~

Pieces of glasses

When we're apart the feeling getting strong to be close to you. When we're apart, the memories keep playing on my mind. When we're apart, the meaning of love showing the truth. When we're apart...

Love never wrong nor sin. But we always misunderstand about love. Sometimes love teach us how to be someone respectful and grateful. We, lover, never get away from making mistake in our relationship. So do I. 

If you love someone, tell them...broken hearts are often caused by unspoken words. The worst way to miss someone is to be sitting right next to them, knowing you can never have them. I wouldn't blame love. Wouldn't blame God on my sad life never ending. But I always asking God why must it would turn to be this way? All about everything. Yes I know that no one can have perfect life ever. I love someone but it always be a thousand bricks blocking my way to be the best lover to someone that I love. But I failed. I afraid about myself, I afraid about my life. Afraid that I will failed but then yet I still failed. A million words would not bring you back, I know because I've tried. Neither would a million tears, I know because I've cried.

Its hard to pretend you love someone when you don't but its harder to pretend that you don't love someone when you really do. My love story wasn't lies, nor sin. It's sincerity from the heart itself. I've been seriously in love for twice. Twice that do hurts me deeply. It might easy for others to fall in love but it harder for me to be with someone that I really love. I, myself been tighten by someone that I don't even have feeling about love but just because of responsibilities as someone attached. Love never lies but to have both in one time not the best way. It always happen when we have to let go someone that we love and being together with someone that we don't.Nothing hurts more than realising he meant everything to you but you meant nothing to him now.

Forget the times you walked by, forget the times you've made me cry, forget the times you held my hand, forget the sweet things if I can. I can't keep on pretending that I don't love, I have to remember now that we're just a friend although its all because of fake. 

The sun can have the sky and it wouldn't matter. The night can have its stars and I wouldn't care. Tomorrow can be new yet remain empty, for it simply wouldn't matter without you there ... 

Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened. I wish I had the guts to walk away from what we had. But I can't...because I know you wouldn't come after me and that's what hurts the most. I can't escape the thought of you. Even in my dreams you are there. It's not fair how your gone, and how you're moving on so fast, while I am still living in the past.

It's all about love~

xoxo

Teruskanlah...

Pernahkah kau bicara
Tapi tak didengar
Tak dianggap
Sama sekali..

Pernahkan kau tak salah
Tapi disalahkan
Tak diberi
Kesempatan

Kuhidup dengan siapa
Ku tak tau kau siapa
Kau kekasihku tapi
Orang lain bagiku

Kau dengan dirimu saja
Kau dengan duniamu saja
Teruskanlah... Teruskanlah
Kau begitu..

Kau tak butuh diriku
Aku patung bagimu
Cinta bukan kebutuhanmu..

Kuhidup dengan siapa
Ku tak tau kau siapa
Kau kekasihku tapi
Orang lain bagiku

Kau dengan dirimu saja
Kau dengan duniamu saja
Teruskanlah.. Teruskanlah
Kau begitu..

Kau dengan dirimu saja
Kau dengan duniamu saja
Teruskan lah.. Teruskanlah
Kau.. kau begitu..

Teruskanlah..
Teruskanlah..

Hati yang telah kau sakiti ~~

Jangan pernah katakan bahwa
cintamu hanyalah untukku
karna kini kau telah membaginya
 

Maafkan jika memang kini
harus kutinggalkan dirimu
karna hatiku selalu kau lukai

** tak ada lagi yang bisa ku lakukan tanpamu
ku hanya bisa mengatakan apa yang ku rasa

Ku menangis membayangkan
betapa kejamnya dirimu atas diriku
kau duakan cinta ini
kau pergi bersamanya

Ku menangis melepaskan
kepergian dirimu dari sisi hidupku
harus slalu kau tahu
aku lah hati yang telah kau sakiti

Ngegeh pun ketua!

Aku kakar Sarawak jak k..aok lah aku kan asal dari Sarawak. So sekda salahnya aku kakar bahasa aku mpun. Adalah seorang manusia tok tek mengada jak minta puji. Aku sik faham lah ngan seorang tok. Manusia sik pernah puas dalam kehidupan. Manusia sanggup jadi backstabber just because mok mendapat kesenangan diri. Ada sesetengah manusia tok sik pernah cermin diri sendiri. Sampe madah orang sensitive and selfish sedangkan nya sendiri sik professional dengan pangkat nok nya sandang nek tok. Nama jak ketua bahagian tapi ketua burit nya. Ingatkan study tinggi pande piker tapi bodoh sombong. Bila orang refer apa2 kat nya, dengan senang nya madah 'I don't know oh..'. Basi dah sentences nya ya. Ukan bok sekali tapi berkali kali. Aku selfish aku sik kaco orang. At least aku sik main angkat pu*** and pe*** cdak bos. I'm not hypocrite. Aku tau lah ko kerja lebih lamak dari aku tapi bukan kah ko sebagai senior patut beri tunjuk ajar nok betul. Ukan dengan berperangai seperti childish. I don't mind what you doing in the office but once you step on my plate, I wont be cool. Funny thing is..ada lah sorang kawan aku tok siap nyumpah2 pula kat sms madah sak perut si ketua ya buncit untuk selamanya. Hahahaha!!~ Aok eh..orang bok lekak beranak tok and bok lekak pande bergaya, nang gia lah. Gambong dikit bahh..Sik eran aku..ukan aku makan gaji ngan nya pun. 

xoxo