Setia Hujung Nyawa OST

Aku tak bisa menidakkan rasa cinta Meski ku tak bisa melupakan salah mu resah hatiku Maafkan diriku Melukakan mu Cinta jangan engkau pergi Jauh dari diri ku lagi Sesunguhnya cinta kita Setia ke hujung nyawa Bila tersedar betapa tulus cintamu biar apa pun yang menghalangnya tak kan pernah bisa dari diriku menjaga cinta mu tuhan tolonglah aku satukan aku dan dirinya selamanya maafkan diriku melukakan mu cinta jangan engkau pergi jauh dari diriku lagi sesungguhnya cinta kita setia ke hujung nyawa cinta ku tetap di sini takkkan pernah jauh dari mu oooooo  

The new chapter of my life...

The moment I've been waiting for...thou its happened not like what I dream of, I still thankful to God for his gift. Precious gift from him. Nothing can compare how happy I am now. 

Scan result make me stunt and blur awhile. I almost tears the time doctor told me that I am pregnant. I don't know what should I do after doctor passed me the scan film. It's look tiny and cute. I still cant believe I am pregnant. Been waiting for the moment since ages. Now I wonder how my baby would look like in future. I wanted the baby look cute like his/her mommy and fair like mommy too. If baby boy, I want he look handsome like his daddy. But not the character of his daddy. :p The daddy so excited and created 2 names in advance. How advance it is. 

I hope evwrything go smoothly and happily. I'll pray more often, ask for forgiveness and blessing from God. Its all for my little one. Luv him so much from now on... 

xoxo

I surrender...

We regret, repent and remorse only when we have lost exhaustively. It hurts to love someone and not to be loved in return. But the most regret is to love someone and never have the title to let the one to know how deep my love is to... 

Tiada lagi airmata untuk di tangisi. Tiada lagi harapan yang membina semangat dan kekuatan. Menahan kekecewaan yang tiada siapa dapat jangka betapa perit kelukaan itu. Sungguh mudah untuk dia mengatakan sesuatu tanpa berfikir panjang. Begitu mudah untuk dia mengatakan apa yang seharusnya dia katakan terlebih dahulu sebelum dia lebih mengecewakan lagi hati ini. Mengapa harus kini? Mengapa harus disaat aku perlukan sokongan dia memusnahkan segala nya? 

With the God name, I forgiven those people who ever hurts me deeply. I do hope God will teach them some lesson that they will realized how is the pain feel. 

I surrender...

Dinga meh leka sebana ku...

Aku mamau ke sulu ati ku. Tang sulu ati nadai bisi ngembuan ati penyinu ya ngagai aku. Nama kebuah aku nyebut baka nyak? Laban aku alu bedau meda utai ti ulih merik ati aku penyenang. Ya ngembuan ati ti bangat kering ati ngo penemu ya... kenok ko. Bejako ngena mulut enda ulih merik pengidup aku meruan baka org bukai. Nama pengunjung/ penyadi ba aku? Aku alu bedau temu tuku pengidup serta tempat ke likun endur aku diau. Utai ke di janji serta utai di pansut ari runding ya alu bedau bisi di peda mujur. Aku terkapa kapa ngidup ke diri tang sulu ati mina berati ke aku ngo sepiak mata jak. Nama meh penyadi ngo aku tok ila? 

Aku majak sakit berunding ke pengidup diri. Aku terlalu percaya ke jako manis org laki. Tok meh utai di ulih aku begulai ngo ya. Aku udah enda nemu runding agik bakani ka ngatur pengidup aku meruan baka org bukai. Nadai agik runding...nyo deka minta ambik antu sebayan ngagai menua cdak ya. Nyema ulih btemu ngo apai ti keruan sayau belama. Ulih gak aku nemuai ngagai ya.. nusi ke sebana dirik ba ya. Engka nyak jak chara ke bisi di peda aku ti tau muai rundig ti kusut serta medis ke ati aku. 

Mensia ni enda kusut runding enti pengidup enda meruan manah belama? Ngumbai pengidup ti baru tau merik pengelantang serta penyenang ati, tang nyo merik aku pemerinsa ti balat ngemedis ke aku. Nama meh penyadi engau pengidup aku tok deh sulu ati? Nama meh dosa aku sampai nuan ngagak aku baka tok? Tau ka aku tok mina endur nuan deka beduan aja? Nadai ati amat ka ke aku? Enti menyadik indu nuan di gagak org laki baka nuan ngagak aku, umbas ya nuan ringat ke laki nyak. 

Baka ni aku deka idup sekunsi enggau nuan enti diatu nuan udah mantai ke ulah diri? Ari pun suba nuan udah ngemulak ke aku, nyentuk utai ke enda patut di kembulak pan nuan agik majak dirik bula. Tua begulai ngo pangan diri bedau datai setahun, nuan udah enda ulih di pecaya. Baka ni aku ka ngarap ke nuan nyadi mensia ti ulih merik pengidup ti meruan ngagai aku? Nuan udah nemu aku udah nadai penatai pemisi agik sekumbang aku milih nuan nyadi ke sulu ati ku,nuan ke di arap ke aku ngibun aku enda ngira maya tusah tau ka senang. Aku nadai sapa2 agik. Aku baka ke anak yatim piatu ti nadai family. Makai pan enda kenyang, suah gik ke enda makai laban nangi nadai belanja kena emergency. 

Cukup mayuh sebana aku dalam blog tok pasal pengidup diri. Nyentuk aku nyo ka gila berunding ke semua utai. Nuan sulu ati nyamai nyebut tang nuan enda ulih ngasai baka ni asai pemerinsa aku diatu. Nuan enda kala ka ninga penemu aku laban nuan ngira penemu aku enda ulih di guna. Semak tua mujur bgulai, sampai bila nuan enda bguna ke penemu aku? Aku nyo baka nadai hak ngagai pengidup nuan. Nama reti tua bgulai bersama? 

Leka sebana ku nuju sulu ku...

Blog is the best listener to my stories of life

My tasks with the current company will ended today. Today's the last day I will seated my ass on this chair, in this organization. I am no longer will be a part of their 'slave'. A lot of memories and sweet moment I've been through while working with everyone. I will kept those as my experienced in working field. I enjoy working here, I can go any where easily. But I need something that can support more on my financial. Earning less than suppose wit current company aren't enough. So I try my luck to hunt for a new offer. There I goes.. I got the interview after few days submitted my CV. I don't expect I get the job as I have no confidence. But I just go on with the interview. Tried the best to answer and questions the interviewers. And finally I got the offer! I don't really into excitement to it. May be because I still struggling with other problems that more important than get the new job. But its God's gift and I accepted it with blessed. I still need to accpet it to continuing surviving for my life. No one will support me; my bills, my expenses, daily meals etc. I am mentally tired. I can't focus to everything around me. My body need a long rest. That's why I decided to start the new job by end of this month. At least, I have time to rest my mind and body. 

Do I have a choices in living? There will one day I will stop and move on to other place that no one can find me. Leave all the thing around and try something new. I don't see any better life here. I don't have any other choices, non of it can be successful. Someone that suppose to take care and be responsibilities on me, doesn"t show his support, instead spending his time with something that not worthy. He is enjoying his life by watching me in the darkness. 

My friends says, be more a bit stronger. That's impossible. Can I be more stronger without settle up my pending debts? What choices I have right now? My life mess up just with one promise. Who should I blame to? God? My man? Or myself? Or shud I say I blame to my faith that brought me to this kind of life?? Day to day I just listen to everyone who bump into me.. why do I look so skinny nowadays. On diet? Can't everyone see through my eyes?? I have plenty of problem in my mind! Shit! 

xoxo

He's the man... I love the most.

He seems doesn't need me when he's feeling unwell. I felt that I am not so important in his life. Feel myself just another burden to him. Feel guilty some more. I'm trying my best to be by his side when he feel he need me. But I was wrong. I intend to care him but seem he doesn't feel to be care. So I decided not to text him and let he have his rest well. I prays for his health and get well soon. That's all I can do from here. Hope he will look for me for a favor. I do care him, love him so much.. worry him the most. 

I know sometimes I am too much in something but I do hope he understand why I become like that. With life no one care about me, I felt abandoned. I know I did wrong without I realized it. May be for him, relationship enough when both parties saying 'I love you' in a word to show that you're mine and I am yours. My attention nothing more other than concern about his health. He will be fine and I know he's a strong person. 

I know I eargerly to ask him what will he do in term of helping me in my situation. But I do understand he's not in a good health now. Left few days, he will be back to work and I am still with my life nowhere to go. I rather not to talk or discuss about it. I rather go through it by myself. To find the ways to settle up everything thou I am out of ideas. Life such a dramatic and complicated. I almost at the end of my life. I miss those happy and joyful life before. Where I don't need burden, heart ache, cry and stressful with my life. But now I am no longer a strong person. I almost lost everything. I get sick because too much pressure. Restless. Sleepless. I envies on people's life. They seems no problem with their life. How I wish I could have that part of life. Just a piece of happiness. 

To my beloved Bear, love your woman as how you love yourself. Care her more like how you care of your mother. Nothing she want other than attention..as she's need someone that she can put her hope to. She just want happiness, smile and a care from her man. Don't regret at the end of the day when you lost her forever. 

Get well soon. I love you more than I do. 

xoxo

Never ending story

New year suppose to be a new year for me but since beginning my new year doesn't much different. It's all the same. Old same. I was hoping for the good opportunities but among every hard path I've been through, faith changed my only unexpected job offering. The only thing change in new year. At least, I blessed. Thanks to God for His gift. God watching me and listening to every of my whisper about every painful I been through tis while. 

2012 The year of sadness. 

Nothing much good things happened in last year. As I don't like to remember those bitter moment in my mind. Enough with what I've been through. I tried to make myself happy and smile but I couldn't. I talk less with people. I prefer to shut down my mouth from say amything. Now my life no longer happy. I less my enjoyment, I losing my weight, I have no heart to attend my new semester studies. I've been sick for a week. My pimples growing up happily..I am so stressful. 

Until today, I'm still homeless. Yes I repeating it again and again. My Bear seems doing no action to my life as what he promises. Some more he feeling unwell today. Chinese New Year just about a mont to go. If I couldn't get place to stay, I am totally will be permanently homeless. I am so pity for myself. I couldn't tears anymore. Too sad to myself. He keep spending his money for sometin that worthless but to letting in financial trouble. Do he know how suffering myself at tis moment?? Too much suffering until I decided just to end my life. Why people act selfish when I need their favor? 

Never ending story.

xoxo

Another day to go through...

Away quite long from update my blog. I am out of lappy. My baby was admitted from some problem. So I have no other source to update my blog. 

I've been away from home since a month ago, more. I've been beat up by irresponsible person whom supposed to protect me as his woman. I walked out from my own house and staying with a friend, until today. I am so pity. From living in hard time, I'm having financial problem. Serious financial problem. Before I have guts to move out from my house, I thought my Bear would lend his hand in helping me, as he promises. But I don't see any improvement yet problem going in time to time. I don't understand what he want me to be actually. I don't understand what he is thinking about his woman's life. May be he enjoy seeing his woman in going through very serious life issues. 

If my bear have chance to read this, please be a man. I am no longer be more patience. Don't make me do or make decision that you will regret the most, one day. Because I have my own pride that I have to take care. I am not some type of toy that you can just see and play with. Life just once, don't waste people's life if you doesn't have plan to keep your promises. Left few days you will be back to work and I still have no fix place to stay and no fix financial to live on. If I know this will be happening, I would die in the hand of abuser. I would end up my life without headache my head with all those problem that never ending. 

I over stressful without any help from anyone. I have someone that I love but he seems doesn't show any effort on me. I don't know what to do more. I am out of ideas. I given out all of my opinions but seems he doesn't keen to accept. Too much disappointment I received. I regretted with my choice! 

xoxo