Hatiku Percaya

Appreciate every single thing in your life

Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment. Throughout life people will make you mad, disrespect you and treat you bad. Let God deal with the thing they do, cause hate in your heart will consume you too. We don't even know when is our time to be call and return to God. But while we still can breathy in the land of the world, we should be as good as we can to God.

A week ago, I've received very shocking news. I've received few missed calls from my ex-colleagues and I was curious why she suddenly call me - few times. So then I rang her back and ask is there anything. The moment I heard what she said on the phone, I totally blur. I don't know what to say. I am in shocked! I just couldn't believe I am losing a friend on that day. A friend for 3 years friendship.

We've been worked together a year before. She's a nice person and she did help much in term of works. We began close to each other, even went for holiday together, have our meals together, shop together, have fun together and can say that 3 years we had a great time together. She's a good friend, you know why? Because she always be nice in front of me, thou I know how she treat me last time. And I never put my hatred toward her. Never thought she will leave us that early.

It happened when she and the other staffs of the Company on their way to estate (I don't particular know what the purpose going to estate on that day). They involved in self accident after started half hour journey from town. What I heard from other friends, the car was driven by ex-supervisor, was lost control after he failed to overtake another car in front. And the time he wanted to back off to the original lane, there the car was spin 10 times. The only unhurt was my ex-supervisor (5 of them). This Ms Kitty (because she loves hello kitty soooo much) still conscious on the scene but unconscious on her way to hospital. She pronounced dead by the doctor after few times given CPR. Doctor failed to save her as she had internal injuries. 

That was the most sad moment after I heard she's gone. Why God must take her while she exciting preparing her big day in few months coming. I can imagine how sad and broken heart her fiance to lost her. Once again I realize how fragile is our life and soul to be taken by God, anytime. That make me ponder in a minute, appreciate everything you see and have in the present. Because God can take what's belong to you anytime, any where.

Throwback the moment I lost my beloved dad, that was the most tragic moment I had. He gone without saying a goodbye, not even a word. You so bad dad.. leaving me alone without you beside me. From that moment, I began realize, there is nothing you can do about death. What you can do is, spend more time with everyone, appreciate everything that God given. I began realize, that I should be more strong in conducting my life. I began to love everyone. To love the loves one. Now then I once again, begin, to love my precious son. We cannot buy our happiness with money because that was what God's gift to us. We cannot seek our happiness any where at the road side. Life just once. If you don't change, don't regret by the end of the day. 

* Once you learn how to be happy, you won't tolerate being around people who make you feel anything less. Life asked death, "WHY DO PEOPLE LOVE ME BUT HATE YOU?" death responded, "BECAUSE YOU ARE A BEAUTIFUL LIE AND I AM A PAINFUL TRUTH." Every deceased friend is a magnet drawing us into another world. While I thought that I was learning how to live, I have been learning how to die. Death doesn't care about your list of accomplishments or your future plans, so cherish those around you and enjoy, we only live once.*

Now I am thinking, why should I headache my head with people who never think about me. Never appreciate me, never value me as how I valued them. I deserve to be happy, instead. I wouldn't care much about those who doesn't love me, after this. We created by God to appreciate and love ourselves before we share our kind heart to others. I am so much disappointed until I couldn't tears. I've been humiliated, mocked once again, by someone that I love the most. But for me, God knows everything, God knew my heart. 

God bless to everyone. Amen.

My precious Carl #2

Break time for me...

By the time I blogging, my precious son is sleeping so that's why I have time and an idea to blog. This is my 2nd batch of my stories about being a MOTHER. I don't really have free time to type and blog, because I need concentrate on what I have to blog. With Carl awaken it is really possible to free myself blogging like now. Even he is in sleeping mode, sometimes he could hear even my fingers typing sound on computer keyboard. Whenever I start doing my own thing such as watch my favorite Kdrama or blog (as it), it's like he couldn't let me have my personal time. So he make sure will make me distracted. Normally I will on his favorite cartoon (yes at the age of 2 months plus, he have his own interest) or play him Kpop songs. He will enjoy watching it but just for awhile. Carl a type that faster get bored. This is the problem why I hardly have time to blog. 

Being a mother isn't as easy as I thought from began. It is seriously troublesome and tired! But honestly I say I am enjoying the moment being a mother. I doesn't want miss even a second without my child, Carl. It feel like I am losing so much time without spend my time with him. I know the duties being a mother needs me to work up my ass out where I need to change his diapers, feed him, give him shower (thou most of the time it is my mom's duty), put him to sleep (he must breast feed on me, otherwise he probably refused to sleep), wash his feeding bottles, cuddle him if he 'meroyan' and etc. Tired babe! 

This 2 months really a tough time for me. Sleepless and restless sound normal for me now. By the time I blogging already past midnight, where everyone having their dreamland on their comfy bed. No doubt I really miss my 'before being a mother' where I can do a lot of things. I can freely spend my time with my buddies, enjoy working moment, travel, outing for the whole day. But now then I have to limit my time for my 'play time' activities but letting Carl to have my time more for him. He is so adorable to dish out. LOL! I miss my Carl everyday, every moment, every second. Even when we sleep side by side, I can still miss him. Miss to see his pure face. Truly that I am crazy being a mother now. Nothing that can separate me from my boy. I swear who ever or in planning to do something bad or to 'snatch' him from me, I will cut off that person ever. He is my precious, my diamond, my wing, my EVERYTHING. *LOL..I sound overreact..who care* 

Soon, Carl will be 3 months old. Time fly so fast yet I still wanna see him in 'small size'. In another year, I gonna miss to cuddle him, hear his baby babbling and the moment he is still baby. Now he is in learning himself to facing down. My boy is growing up. That so fast. This little boy gonna be a naughty boy after all. I can predict it earlier. One thing funny about Carl, that he doesn't like to ride. When ever I brought him out, he looks like he afraid to be inside car. And when he is about to sleep, we must go on driving all the way to make him sleep soundly. He'll start to cry if the car stop even for awhile. Funny Carl. 

So far, I love being a mother. But at the same time, I am worry being a mother to my little boy. I just worry and conscious that being a mother not as easy as I thought. I always worry if my boy feel alright all the time, cool enough or is he too hot when he is sweating, worry if he doesn't poo for 2 days. Everything about Carl making me worry. May be that's why every mother out there very protected their children. I hope my Carl wont give me so much trouble in the future. I do hope he growing as a good person, a valuable person, smart, intelligent, creative, brilliant, all I can say, good in everything that he should know to survive. So then I wont worry for the rest of my life for being a mother to him. I want he be a person who can be brave and tough when ever he is in difficulty. 

Ok guys, gonna continue my next chapter about My precious Carl~

xoxo  

My precious prince

It's been long time...

I finally come back after 2 months. I don't have time to blog but a lot of time to sit in front my lappy. LOL. 

It's been 2 months after gave birth to my precious child. Wow! Fuhh! I have thousand words to say here but my fingers seems giving me limit to blogging. So I just typing some here while my baby is sleeping. 

I gave birth to a baby boy. Yes, a prince. He is so cute and adorable. Me and hubby named him Carldiver. Well, its his first name and let keep the other 2 names. Carl born on August, 30th of 2013. Now Carl is 2 months old. Yes quite big size for my size of body. I couldn't believe I gave birth to such cute handsome boy. I was grateful with healthy and adorable son. 

Story about experienced the moment giving birth : 

I admitted to hospital on August, 29th at 17:00pm. That was my first time admitted in the hospital. Yes never once since after I born. And yes that also one of my experience. I choose private hospital because I trust on their service. Not because I 'sombong' because refused to give birth at General Hospital but I know I can freely bring my family to stay with me for the whole time I'm there. I had a good service by the doctors and the nurses whom so kind and patience with 'karenah' their patients. 

My contraction begin every half and hour to 5 minute until the time to give birth. The pains I've gone through was the great moment. That is how our mom bare the pains while giving birth to us. I was too afraid and keep asking myself if I can give birth my child through normal birth. And I'm not pretty sure if I can push hardly. My 'ketumban' pecah after midnight and there goes the most painful part started. I choose to get painkiller injection as I cannot tahan the pain but Eng Eng was right, the effect was nothing compare to the pain. But thankful to God I can stand the contraction in short while. my civic opened 8cm then only I push out to labor room. Once again, I was grateful that my hubby was around with me. On 3.49am with weight of 3.3kg, my little Carldiver born to the world. What such wonderful experienced I had. 

To be continue ...