When you arise in the morning, think of what a precious privilege it is to be alive - to breathe, to think, to enjoy, to love.
I couldn't keep on lying until today that I can forget and delete him from my heart. It's totally couldn't. Would you imagine how will you erase those memories of you and him for many years. Since the first time we involved in quarrel, I started to lied my heart that I hate, dislikes and the most cruel feeling was to forget him that time, but what happened? I lied myself not to love him anymore although deep inside my heart the love still fresh until today. If he would give me another chance, I would do the best for him. He is my true love ever. He is my hero. If I can love him that much for the past few years, why couldn't I tahan to love him for the rest of my life? Until my last breathe. 3 months passed, I still waiting my love to return. How long I can wait? Forever. Even thou there's replacement someday. it wouldn't be the same as the one I loved, LPK. Like I say I stopped for wishing something that never be realize. Too tired to wish something that doesn't come true. God, I am getting tired with all of waiting, pain and sorrow. How long would you takes to punish me?
Most of the time I just keep my mouth shut off. People often judge others with their eyes without through the heart. LPK for example, he never try to give his heart to accept and listen to what other people try to explain or try to express. For the pass many years together with me, did he ever listen to my sorrow?
It is better wither to be silent, or to say things of more value than silence. Sooner throw a pearl at hazard than an idle or useless word; and do not say a little in many words, but a great deal in a few.
I bet you ever realized your mistake not to listen every each of my expression of love. You blocked my feeling not to express it all last time. At the end I am stuck there without saying anything. I get upset most of the time when you never let me finish my sentences. Do you ever realized by doing that way I getting hurt inside as I don't get the chance to express my feeling inside?
Since after dad left me, family against me badly for everything. Every emotions stuck inside my heart, soul.Same goes when I be with you, do you ever let me really let go the emotions when I felt down? You don't really try to understand me. I know you love me the most that time but the way you love me was the opposite meaning. I am so pitiful for myself, every second. You know how it feel mah? It's like you're in some where no where to be found, no place to shade yourself when rain fall down. That's how I felt since before. My new wished, sharp 12 midnite, my wished for 2011 to be much much meaningful for both of us but...
My heartbeat stopped for few second when you did mentioned about 3 stars last night. I just wrote about the 3 stars in my diary a day before. You might never realized what is happened and happening around you is related to me. But I never wanted to tell you, and when there's a chance to say, you would never believe me. Might the way I explain it not the good way so it make you don't really get what I mean. I always look for the stars as it brought the most meaningful to me. The same thing I mentioned in my diary, do anybody know why it so meaningful to me? Beloved dad gave me the 3 stars to be remembered whenever I feel down. He said, when ever I feel down, look for the 3 stars, then close your eyes and pray. Daddy also told me that 3 stars was him, me and my love one (if I could find one, as what dad said). Dad was the most sporting person ever. Lastly I found one for the 3rd star, LPK. My stars completed. But not lasting. :'( That's the reason why I refused to listen about the 3 stars when you mentioned it last nite. It does hurt me. It's like somebody stab a knife right on to your heart, that's how the pain does felt.
Silence is golden but sometimes hurt the most because no one would listen to what you might say. I listen, listen and listening to each of your words came from your mouth. I know which part is true and false. That's why most of the time I will not to listen for 2nd time because I can know what you might say. I can read your mind before you say something out. Do give people chance; in no matter situation, time, and matter. Because every words come out have it own meaning. To be more thankful instead being selfish to anyone. You are too much receiving the kindness and chances from people but do you ever thankful by giving them appreciation? Do you really ever? Try to be more humble in every situation, you will be granted. Nothing to loss to be kind. It does not cost you any much. I, myself being silence doesn't mean I point myself wrong, I silence to let people think someday that I was totally right. I represent God to reveal the truth of my life, one by one, someday.
I often hope that you would dream about me every night. How I would let God to tell you about my feeling. And let God open your heart and eyes wider to know about how is the real of me. I pray every day for you and you're blessed everyday from any difficulty in your daily life. Maybe too much request to let me face all the difficulty on you make my life like this. My sacrifice for you ... May God bless you~
xoxo
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