Random

Life is wonderful, but it can be suck when we, ourselves turn it in to worst situation. Each individual have their own way how to make their life more wonderful than others. Some of them willing to struggle so hard and never give up to achieve for a better life. While others could use different way to achieve their goal. While me have nothing to show off, I use my soul, brain and body to achieve my goals.

Envy. Why should we feel envy for others? The emotion of envy are common sense to everyone. I envy myself. Envy why I couldn't be better. I envy when the time the strength come across but I just let it passing by without stop and use it carefully. I envy on something that I couldn't have while I struggle so hard for it. Although I envy about myself but there are some people who envy on my serba kekurangan punya life. Funny. They would judge and turn my life up side down just because of too envy and wanted to be like me. I don't mind to be their idol for everything but not to mess with me. My pleasure for those who wanna copy right my style. But what make me uncomfortable and piss off is when some people just get jealous / envy on what I have and what I am doing. Or more easy to say, envy on who I am. Come on.. get a life! Anybody can be anyone as they wanted to be. I follow on what my mind say. I be my own selves. I don't need to be like anyone else. I struggled for what I have. Bukan jatuh dari langit pun.

Decided to continue my pending study is the right decision. I have reason for that. At first of cos because of someone who I ever love. Just to improve myself that I am capable to be a better person for him in the future. But then it turn to be worthless as he didn't see everything about me. Other reason is for myself. I need 'something' to guarantee my life in the future. That is what my beloved Daddy wanted to see before. To see his daughter to be someone successful. He ever said, knowledge is not sin. Nothing to loss to learning more. Someday, I'll show and prove to Daddy that his daughter BOLEH! With God willing. For sure I wont just stop until stage one. I'll be on upper stage further. I wanted to be successful person no matter in what profession. Willing to share every knowledge that I know to anyone who need it. Why should be stingy? Who does not thank for little will not thank for much. I hope someday, I can do something that make myself proud to be who I am. Age and the look is not the problem to success. For what I am now, I wanted to be the first to be success. To show to the world that someone with this look/ form can be proud in the future. I never give up in everything I want. Life is wonderful and I grab every opportunities to make it more wonderful for me. Why should I be sad for someone that never will understand what's the meaning of life? Tiada rugi nye.

However, first battle just end. So now waiting for the result and looking forward for new battles. I know I can do it! This is for my haters, I love all of you, so much. No matter what you wanna do to ruin me, it's just NOTHING to me because my life is only for myself. Hate me more will encourage you to be yourself. Love me then.. at least you know how to appreciate yourself ~ 

Got to go~ enjoy my night~

xoxo

I loike weekend ... (",)

What a nice day.. It's weekend! I loike weekend~ Plus it's 3 days off. Woo woo~ Plans!

Woke up a bit late, shower done, break fast done, now thinking about next meal. Hmm.. let's eat! I need my shape back. Jangan jealous. Today's schedule hanya makan aje. 

I need put on weight about 5 more kg, for certain reasons. Well, I have to attend few functions in coming May. It's time for me to show up once again. ;) Take out those pretty gorgeous dresses I have or might get new dress for the function. Oh well, it's nothing wrong to look pretty mah.. right? I lost my weight since 4 months ago (stress giler because of those jerks, especially ______ ). Now I need to fit back all my lovely, gorgeous, sexy, girly clothes. So sayang oh if I just hang it on my wardrobe. It's time for me to 'loving' them again. Need some new outfit too as I didn't shop since January! Red color dress? Fall in love with red color now. Isn't it attractive color and sexy? LOL! Because I know there's some people out there who inspired me as their fashion trade mark. :) I'm so keen to be their idol~

There will be some changes, soon. Might keep my hair longer again. But different style than previous. Might color too. What color for my hair? My hair consultant will decide what color is nice for my hair. It's been many years I didn't color my hair. Kinda sien with natural hair color, so plan to make some changes. Next will be my skin. My skin look so dry and dull lately. Ya ya I know I don't even care about myself for the past of 4 months. Now then I sayang every part of my body lah ni. Well, it's because I still remember someone ever said that I have no different than 'slut' level. Oh ya? Let me show you how high is my level. Either me or your 'low standard' bitch are slut! Please lah.. tak main lah taste gitu. You are the one don't even appreciate me so your loss lor. Like I care? Tak you appreciate pun I tak hairan.

Okie guys, looking forward for tonight's plan. So far I have 2 invitations tonight where I shouldn't reject. What the heckk.. How could I be in 2 different place at same time le? Anyway, enjoy the nite~ 

P/s Can't wait for coming trip. Too many plans but too little time. I try my best to arrange my schedule, friends. Just get ready for my arrival ~ (",)

xoxo

Finally, she gave up!

Well hell yea.. now you know what type of person I am uh. You simply pijak my tail and say NO SORRY uh. You mocked me inside your blog and cursed everyone you dislikes then now you jilat back my kaki. Who do you think you are? President's daughter? I wont just sit down if there's people who cari pasal with me first. As I tak cari pasal but pasal yang cari I dulu. She knew that I'm not in the good mood lately. She pula buat hal that I have no idea what make she jadi gila like that. 

And what a surprised one morning, she pop up in front of me, in front of my tables and talk to me. What make it funny is, she asked me if I still mad on her. Well, honestly, I looked in to you just like half tiang punya orang. You have no mercy to cursed everyone who have no problem with you. Then you mocked them like you are the only staff who working so hard but the fact is you are no different than others. How if all of them (who you did cursed) curse you, right in front of you face? I bet you will get mad until you throw everything yea. I have no idea what category you are. After what had you did, I felt like I don't know you at all. 1 year, you can be someone that so kind to everyone, and you can changed so drastic. Just the same as someone that I known very well, changed so drastic. Uh huh.. No need to mention here. That someone know who I referring to. 

So this Ms. Frog (yea I did created nick name for her as she loves to cursed people become frog), she even ask me to swear on the name of Noty (my adorable dog) if I never mad on her. Gila! I thought I know only one person who is insane, but I got another one pula insane. Sigh! However, don't let I fuck off with her again. Else, rambut lurus straighten dia tu habis I gunting nanti. She finally admitted she did mocked me in her blog. She thought I not dare to slap her ar?? How it feel le? I even dare tegur senior student at college just because she park her car at the passing way. Goody of me is no more guai guai. People mess with me first, I give much spicy mess for return.That's me. Who should I blame too? Someone ...

Forgiveness? Will they changed after we forgive them? No. Not at all. Forgiveness for them just nothing. I wish (since so long I didn't use word of 'wish') God will punish those who did something to me. Anyway, I love my haters.

xoxo

The first battle ended! Yippie~

It's been few days I didn't update my blog. Quite busy for my revision. Seems I have a lot to share with. :) Miss my blog~

Felt relief! The last battle just ended today. Thanks God that I can gone through all papers without worry. But then the percentage to get higher pointer, quite low. Anyway, I'm confident enough that I'll pass. Hehe! Nothing is impossible right? Luckily I get higher mark on my midterm exam. So at least can support lah sikit. However, I'll show to someone that I am capable to be successful person in future and by that time, he will regret for letting me go. Well, like I care? Nahh..

Now I'm looking forward for next semester. Huhu.. Next mission will be something that I wont miss up. At the mean time, everyone seems in planning of some plans to release out the stresses. Can't wait for my trip to visit few places this year. It's time to buzz out! Few months coming, all I need now is be a little bit patience. 

 

xoxo

No more forgiveness for you

To say a word of SORRY doesn't work on me anymore. What's the point to ask for apologize?? Could you turn back time after you ask for apologize? Would your apologize will make everything back to normal? Would SORRY can cure the scars, stop the bleeding, and the most is can your SORRY change the sorrow to colorful rainbows again? You couldn't right? So why should I accept your apologize? I am not forgiven person, ONLY to jerks. Wanna your forgiveness so that you wouldn't get 'unlucky' life? Ask from God. Temptations is every where, and that will teach you a lesson about nature of life. I'm not talking bullshit if I don't get really in sorrow. 

Until forever, no forgiveness for you as what you did is more than suicide. Else, none of woman will ruin themselves just because of men, majority. Loyalty uh? You are so confidence at early stage about loyalty in relationship, yet you cheated on those women you destroyed. People who love only once in their lives are ...shallow people. What they call their loyalty, and their fidelity, I call either the lethargy of custom or their lack of imagination. No point to say loyalty while you still with your 'selfish sex-maniac attitude'. However, you did so many sins, will nature just forget about that? Some how, you didn't believe / trust in God. 

He who does not feel his girl to be the world to him, does not deserve that the world should hear of him. No matter who the 'unlucky' girl to be with him in future, will get the same sorrow too, for the rest of their generation. Yea.. I am a bad person, he made me become this. SORRY doesn't work on me. Loyalty means nothing unless it has at its heart the absolute principle of self-sacrifice. The best things in life are never rationed. Friendship, loyalty, love do not require coupons. Put down? Have you realize / notice how many times I gave chances to you for that many years? Have you open your eyes wider to see how many times I put down to trust you again, every time you came back to me? You come and leave whenever you want without think how I felt. Can I see another woe, and not be in sorrow too? Can I see another grief, and not seek for kind relief? No! I am enjoying every minutes I have, now. Enjoying to see how 'lucky' is your life until your next generation. 

Don't ask forgiveness from me, anymore. I've given too much forgiveness until you never appreciate it. What's comes around WILL goes around. Chaos!~

You made me do this.

 

xoxo

Paralyzed!

Reunion

It's been so long I didn't meet and chit chat with my best buddy / friend, Sophie. She's gorgeous! She does look happy with her life now. I am so glad and happy seeing she  having her happiness life. Yea we couldn't get ourselves away from miserable life sometimes. But we can prevent it from happen. Being good, its does not cost you anything cent. But being bad, it does takes time to step up for better again. 

Reunion with Sophie and others was a moment that I missed a lot. Nothing can make it hard when you are surrounding by people who does care you feeling the most. Thankful to Sophie that she can be here when I need her for quite long time. A friendship more than 5 years wasn't something dull but it's the truth meaning about friendship. Even though we've changed and we're all finding our own place in the world, we all know that when the tears fall or the smile spreads across our face, we'll come to each other because no matter where this crazy world takes us, nothing will ever change so much to the point where we're not all still friends. 

She'd listened to every beat of my tiny heart about my stories. We chit chat all night long about what had happened to me recently. She didn't expected things will turned out to worse. She never expected too that those jerks are pervert! Honestly, she don't even happy on what Ah Kai had did to me. I guess Ah Kai barely know what she might say about him. The funniest topic was when Ah Kai ever said few times about Sophie ever wanted to seduce her to have sex. OMG!! Everyone does damn laugh out loud. Everyone included me, we know what type of guy Sophie like. Geez! Doesn't make sense. Don't he feel shame? What a cheap mind set he have. He's such a cheap male slut! I wanted eagerly and wish that he will be a woman in next life. I wanted he feel how it is being a woman and I wish that he can feel the sorrow on what he had done in this life century. Things wasn't stays as good as you thought. You will fall down someday. Will fall down...

I'll be coming soon KL ...! Couldn't wait to meet up all my buddies! Sorry guys that I couldn't make times on last few times trips. We are gonna rock the moment this time! Yeahh!!

xoxo

Sound of a Broken Heart

Till The World Ends

Hear me cry ...

The way you lie me..

Karena Ku Sanggup

Why not me?

THERE YOU'LL BE

Just The Way You Are

Because i'm a girl

最傷女友的話、说过的你一定心痛

1、我永远都不会原谅妳（那情侣在一起还有什么意义呢？）

2、我的事不是妳的事（那男的有当女的是他的女朋友吗）

3、要分就分，随便妳（那么轻易把分手挂嘴边，你到底爱你的女朋友吗？）

4、妳买给我的东西我不会用，不要拿来，就算妳塞给我，我也不会动（你女友的心意你难道不知道吗？)

5、我根本不想跟妳吵，是妳逼我的（那你有没有想过女友的感受，难道只有你不想跟她吵吗？）

6、妳可以不要烦我吗？我已经够烦了，不要再打电话来不要再写信息来！（你当她是你的女友就让她帮你减轻负担好吗？）

7、妳根本帮不到我，妳只会加重我的负担，妳让我觉得很大压力（你这样说会让她觉得她不配当你的女友，她会自卑会伤心，她只想要你把烦恼告诉她，让她可以跟你分担你的烦恼）

8、我的东西并不是妳的东西（那就等于你想告诉她你跟她没关系）

9、妳们这些女的都是喜欢有钱的（你当她是什么？你认为她是这样的人？）

10、为什么我们在一起那么辛苦（女的会认为你说跟她在一起让你辛苦了）

11、我已经不会再相信妳了（情侣不是应该要有信任吗）

12、妳是不是玩野？傻婆！！三八！（怎么可以对女友骂那么不雅的话？你真的当她是你女友吗？）

13、看妳都是有做对不起我的事的啦！去啦 ~ 不关我的事！妳想怎样就怎样！我无所谓！（你怎么可以拿么不相信他？你真的不在乎她吗？为什么要冤枉她？）

14、 “吵架时” 为什么不说话？浪费我的时间！如在电话中。。为什么不说话？！妳是在跟我斗气吗？不爽是不是？！说啊！妳再不回应我就不会再打给妳了！妳是存心 要浪费我的电话钱吗？（女友不说话是因为她的心已经在痛着了，根本说不出话，你还要一直刺她的心？！所以她会选择沉默，让你发泄，让你骂，因为她认为这样 做至少能减轻吵架）

15、妳是我遇过最烦最长气的女友，以前的都没像妳将那么烦，回来家又要跟你报平安，你当我还小 啊？！ （她们是担心你紧张你爱你才会变得如此长气，请不要拿她们跟你的前女友比较，更不要说前女友比她们好。因为当有一天她们不再问你回到家了吗吃饱了吗之类的 话题时就是你造成的。。她们已经不再爱你了。。。不担心你紧张你了。。）

16、怎么妳那么黑？怎么妳的腿那么黑又大？ 我 不 喜欢！你看XXX的腿多白，她们真会保养。。你看她们多美。。（女友会认为你只看外表，而且还喜欢看别的女生赞别的女生，她们会使尽办法变美变白为的只是 要你赞赞她们一样喜欢她们，所以，即使要说她们不美不白，最后也得加上一句：“不过我还是一样爱你” 请不要说不喜欢。。）

17、要去哪里都不关我的事，不用报告。我不介意。（你有担心过她吗？你会紧张她吗？什么不关你的事？如果不关你的事那她就不是你的女友了！）

18、妳自己搭巴士或德士吧！（即使没车也应该陪女友搭车吧？你那样敷衍的一句容易让女友误会你不在意她。更不担心她的安全）

19、饿了就自己去买东西吃吧！（她会觉得你不贴心不爱她了）

20、 妳不接我电话我就分手！妳不回信息就跟妳分手！妳再烦我就跟妳分手！妳再？？“等等。。” 就跟妳分手（这些把分手挂嘴边之类的话。。你爱她的话就不会这样 说！你是在用分手威胁她吗？！女生们都是脆弱的！尤其在最爱的人的面前。。你认为她很坚强？？这种话最容易砸碎她们的心。。）


所以……各位男生们，请反省，请小心注意你们的气话和言语，因为一个不小心你们的女友就会心碎及选择离开你们…………

Every song represent what's my heart wanted to tell

100% full of sadness, 0% of happiness

When all of those temptations will stop from hurting me? 

I couldn't go more further with all of this sorrow. What I've gone through more than enough to face. Once done with one problem, there's still few problems occurs. Why? Why everything turn to be worst? Why God? Tell me. Let me know the sign from all of this. So that I wouldn't suffering in pain. I don't know how more longer I can tahan? One more day? One more week? One more month? One more year? Or one hundred more century? 

Aren't life supposed to be wonderful and meaningful? I lost my beloved dad for the past 5 years. Seems like he just left me yesterday. I miss to have chit chat with him as what we always did. Listening to his moral stories, his life experienced, and knowledge that useful for me. He gave me wonderful taught about life. He was right, nice people will go earlier than others. And good people always receive more temptations than bad people. Daddy suffered too much until he couldn't hold tight his patience anymore. He stopped his beat by letting go himself and surrender himself to God. Dad, you gone too early yet I still hasn't get enough everything you taught me. How could I bring you back? I always thinking of you whenever I felt down, so down. I know you are watching me dad. I know you are beside me most of the time. Could you stop the temptations? I just want a simple life. Just a simple life... 

After dad gone, things turn differently. Struggling hard for own living and be strong with unhappy marriage. First year marriage isn't as happy as I thought. For those who know how's my marriage gone through ever ask me why I want to be with him? Is that cos of love? The answer remain the same. Because I get nothing from lying right? Do people will give me reward if I lie them about my feeling? No. But it was my mistake married myself with someone like him. How it gone through, it just between me and God. I won't repeat the stories on and on again. Someone always questions me with the same things and there I have to repeat the same answers again. Why would I say the same thing again if that someone never wanted to believe? I accepted the temptation and finally we both put down everything and agreed to live separately. 

Another sorrow came, when I finally get myself out from unhappy relation, he left me too. Left me because of Indonesian girl. Left me with no proper reason. He did gave me hope and promises, now I can make it real but he aren't beside me when I here. Although he mentioned he didn't put the blame on me, I live with thousand scenario, I can see and know how to differentiate. If he forgive, he would never tough about the same matter again. He left me right after what he had done. I never forget him and never erase him from my heart since the first day we declared as a couple, until today. I sacrificed myself for him this few years, my sincerity of my pride for him, my soul, my self. How will he 'pay' for that? Does $ or apologize would bring back my pride, my soul, my own self happiness? One thing he always blame me, I confuse with my own feeling. One thing, only one thing you must think properly LPK, if you were never sms him, I have my separately signed last 2 years. But for what you did, everything ruined. Just because of sms, my life become disaster. Have you ever notice where the exact mistake came? But then things happened. I stopped from revealed the truth. 

Accept them as what they are. Family, what a meaningful name.. but how far family can do for you? How good family can be with you? Family against me until today and it will never stop until I die. Might be that's what they wanted the most. To see how I gone. A family whom suppose to support but aren't a family who are understand in every problems you have. Like what had happened today, mom and bro came to Eng's house. They have guts to look for Eng's house. I couldn't believe they have desire to find where I go. Why not they save the desire to look properly what I've gone through this many years instead insisting to find my mistake and pull down my life as they wanted it to be! I have my own life!! I don't need both of you to manage my life as what you want it to be! Let me breath freely and do let me manage my own life from onward. Stop controlling my life. I am no more little girl. I have enough with all of that mom. I have only you as my mother and brother as my sibling. Don't instigate brother hate/ dislikes me. You have only a daughter and a son. It's not hard to be more tolerate instead against me. Stop judging me for no reason and proof. I didn't go for man hunting as what you thought. I only love one person since before until today. I love only LPK. Don't equalize me with others. I am not as what you think. Although I'm single, doesn't mean I need to find any guy out there. My heart not a token machine. My heart just for one person; LPK. 

I don't know when all of this will stop. I'm so tired to keep on reveal the truth about everything but no one of  sincere to listen. Let God do his part in this matter. Don't make things be come the most regretful moment, someday. None of them will never really understand being someone like me. If I could make a miracle, I would like to show them what's the real feeling of me. Show to LPK how deep my love toward him. Show to mom and bro how much I love them. Show to those against me how nice, naive and kind I am to them. So that everyone would know what's appreciate means. Good people always left us faster than bad people. When life ended, people will start remembered all the goodness of the death. Why must remembered after gone? Why not try to appreciate when they still alive? I wanted to be with my daddy. Every time I talk about him or remember him, my tears starting to fall down. Because I know he feel the sadness of me at the same time. I know he cry when I cry. He happy when ever I feel happy. He feel calm when ever I feel the same. I can feel he just around me whenever I think of him. My life full of sadness that never will end happily. My family cursed me with those nasty words for unhappy life forever. How could they are. Who am I in their heart? A stranger? Evil? Am I supposed to be punish this way? 

My chest feel pain again. My head starting killing me softly. My heart beat getting abnormal as usual. My brain getting exhausted day to day. As often, I forgiven them. I pray for their mind peaceful and blessing them; no matter how they treat me. May God bless them. Amen

xoxo

I'm still waiting for your return

丁噹-親人

Will someone else's life be brighter tomorrow because of what you have done?

When you arise in the morning, think of what a precious privilege it is to be alive - to breathe, to think, to enjoy, to love.

I couldn't keep on lying until today that I can forget and delete him from my heart. It's totally couldn't. Would you imagine how will you erase those memories of you and him for many years. Since the first time we involved in quarrel, I started to lied my heart that I hate, dislikes and the most cruel feeling was to forget him that time, but what happened? I lied myself not to love him anymore although deep inside my heart the love still fresh until today. If he would give me another chance, I would do the best for him. He is my true love ever. He is my hero. If I can love him that much for the past few years, why couldn't I tahan to love him for the rest of my life? Until my last breathe. 3 months passed, I still waiting my love to return. How long I can wait? Forever. Even thou there's replacement someday. it wouldn't be the same as the one I loved, LPK. Like I say I stopped for wishing something that never be realize. Too tired to wish something that doesn't come true. God, I am getting tired with all of waiting, pain and sorrow. How long would you takes to punish me? 

Most of the time I just keep my mouth shut off. People often judge others with their eyes without through the heart. LPK for example, he never try to give his heart to accept and listen to what other people try to explain or try to express. For the pass many years together with me, did he ever listen to my sorrow? 

It is better wither to be silent, or to say things of more value than silence. Sooner throw a pearl at hazard than an idle or useless word; and do not say a little in many words, but a great deal in a few. 

I bet you ever realized your mistake not to listen every each of my expression of love. You blocked my feeling not to express it all last time. At the end I am stuck there without saying anything. I get upset most of the time when you never let me finish my sentences. Do you ever realized by doing that way I getting hurt inside as I don't get the chance to express my feeling inside?

Since after dad left me, family against me badly for everything. Every emotions stuck inside my heart, soul.Same goes when I be with you, do you ever let me really let go the emotions when I felt down? You don't really try to understand me. I know you love me the most that time but the way you love me was the opposite meaning. I am so pitiful for myself, every second. You know how it feel mah? It's like you're in some where no where to be found, no place to shade yourself when rain fall down. That's how I felt since before. My new wished, sharp 12 midnite, my wished for 2011 to be much much meaningful for both of us but... 

My heartbeat stopped for few second when you did mentioned about 3 stars last night. I just wrote about the 3 stars in my diary a day before. You might never realized what is happened and happening around you is related to me. But I never wanted to tell you, and when there's a chance to say, you would never believe me. Might the way I explain it not the good way so it make you don't really get what I mean. I always look for the stars as it brought the most meaningful to me. The same thing I mentioned in my diary, do anybody know why it so meaningful to me? Beloved dad gave me the 3 stars to be remembered whenever I feel down. He said, when ever I feel down, look for the 3 stars, then close your eyes and pray. Daddy also told me that 3 stars was him, me and my love one (if I could find one, as what dad said). Dad was the most sporting person ever. Lastly I found one for the 3rd star, LPK. My stars completed. But not lasting. :'( That's the reason why I refused to listen about the 3 stars when you mentioned it last nite. It does hurt me. It's like somebody stab a knife right on to your heart, that's how the pain does felt. 

Silence is golden but sometimes hurt the most because no one would listen to what you might say. I listen, listen and listening to each of your words came from your mouth. I know which part is true and false. That's why most of the time I will not to listen for 2nd time because I can know what you might say. I can read your mind before you say something out. Do give people chance; in no matter situation, time, and matter. Because every words come out have it own meaning. To be more thankful instead being selfish to anyone. You are too much receiving the kindness and chances from people but do you ever thankful by giving them appreciation? Do you really ever? Try to be more humble in every situation, you will be granted. Nothing to loss to be kind. It does not cost you any much. I, myself being silence doesn't mean I point myself wrong, I silence to let people think someday that I was totally right. I represent God to reveal the truth of my life, one by one, someday. 

I often hope that you would dream about me every night. How I would let God to tell you about my feeling. And let God open your heart and eyes wider to know about how is the real of me. I pray every day for you and you're blessed everyday from any difficulty in your daily life. Maybe too much request to let me face all the difficulty on you make my life like this. My sacrifice for you ... May God bless you~

xoxo

丁噹 - 想原諒MV (修杰楷客串)