I am no longer be strong

Would tomorrow will be better? Will there will be tomorrow? 

I would like to tell everyone that I love them so much. And I know that wouldn't be. I couldn't bear anymore every temptations that comes to my life. Life supposed to be wonderful, with smile, laugh, happy and for sure joyful. I should stop wishing anything as it will never be there for me, everything. I never ask for more, never ask for return, never ask for sympathy. Why would everyone seems doesn't understand what my heart tell out? Why would it be so hard? 

Flash back for what had happened since many years ago. I afraid to look back as it gave me huge impact. Would I be tough as before? To go through everything once again? The answer is NO. I couldn't although I would, I've tried so hard for everything and its turn nothing to me. And here I am, alone. I've thought about everything thousand times. Getting weak and tired times to times and its almost till the end. I get much painful until no one could see it. It's ok.. doesn't it written to be like this? I am sorry for myself that I couldn't change everything as what I wanted it to be.

I am so painful until I don't even feel it anymore, until I don't know how it feel now. I couldn't keep on pretending to be happy around everyone but the truth is I don't. I should stop every emotions that I have now. Bury it under the ground. End everything with silent. So that everyone will understand how it feel being like this. I don't ask to be like this as I wanted to be happy for the rest of my life. Not being painful and suffering. 

A family that supposed give support but its aren't as what people thought. The relation that suppose to be wonderful, doesn't seems good. Somebody said, my life is considered better than other. How far that person know about my heart? Why couldn't the person see that? I couldn't tahan the tears anymore. It's killing me inside. And no one know!! What make me like this? Everything that I've been through. I no longer strong as before. I should leave. I missing my dad at this moment. How I can be there with him to tell everything that happened and happening. Dad, I cant tahan it anymore. I eagerly wanted to end everything. End it without anyone know that I am no longer exist. I only thought one way as I don't see any other way since before. Every teardrop are valuable and its brought thousand meaning. My life supposed to be wonderful and great with someone that I love so much until today but its pouring more painful than happy ending life. I couldn't pretending to cover how I feel. I hurt.. hurting so much until he couldn't see it through my eyes and through my heart. I am more worse than other people out there. I have no one. How everyone expect that I can be that strong to go through everything??!!!!!


xoxo