We're in a situation where the solutions that we have are not good enough. The way to improve anything is to have a discussion about its flaws. To understand what the 1 or 2 or 3 things are about if that would help fix it.
If we are all in agreement on the decision - then I propose we postpone further discussion of this matter until our next meeting to give ourselves time to develop disagreement and perhaps gain some understanding of what the decision is all about!
There can be no settlement of a great cause without discussion, and people will not discuss a cause until their attention is drawn to it. I can easily talk about anything with you, about our future. There will never be any happiness without discussion. Discussion need in planning of future. I know how is your situation but what's wrong with discussion? What is wrong with sharing the ideas, opinions, suggestions?
I have no feeling to talk about anything with him in the future. Just see how will he handle things by himself. He have his own personal assistant to monitor everything he needs. He doesn't need me to be his 'wings' to conduct anything in the relationship. I always asking myself this question - who I am in his heart? Is it just a temporary port? Or just a name as a wife on the marriage certificate? Or I even never have right to clingy in any of his matter? OR he doubt on me - who is the father of this child? From the first time we talk about my pregnancy, he seem like he had brainwashed by someone, he sound like he doubt on who it be the father of this child.
Fine, I will do the same thing too. Thing will change differently, he make me this. Am I happy? No I don't. I don't feel happy at all when I think back the words he said 'I will make u happy honey.'. We living in this world for temporary. We have our time back to where we're come from. I appreciate EVERYTHING... everything around me. Sometimes I can be good, sometimes too good, or too naive to everyone. BUT, don't think I can't be someone that mean to change myself into someone that people will never expect me to be. I am just ordinary person. What I want is just simple life, happy life where there is a HAPPINESS.
If I had my way, if I was lucky enough, if I could be on the brink my entire life - that great sense of expectation and excitement without the disappointment - that would be the perfect state. I had too much disappointment in my life. I don't want to keep repeating the same mistake and disappointment all the time of my life. There's always failure. And there's always disappointment. And there's always loss. But the secret is leaning from the loss, and realizing that none of those holes are vacuums.
What I've seen from him, after, he doesn't put priority on me especially when it about my pregnancy. He might thought pregnant and give birth just a normal thing for woman. He will never know how the feeling about pregnant and give birth. 'Bersabung ke nyawa maya beranak. Putus urat org indu time beranak!' Try to imagine or watch video of giving birth of a child! Then you will appreciate any woman in this world!
I do understand about his work. But this is about humanity. His own child. What's more important other than his child? I knew the answer when I mentioned about this matter this morning. It's all about his work. Now that I know - nothing that important for him other than his job. He away for 3 months for a work. That within 3 months, I keep my desire not to talk or discuss anything important to him. Doesn't want to give pressure while he is doing his job. But what should I do whenever I have problem to discuss to? I still remembered when the time he scold me not to pressure him for any of my craps while he away for work. I hurt so much. I think back what did I said make him piss off? It is about me and his matter. Why should I discuss the problem with other man or other people, instead?
Say as easy as he thought. For him, nothing is important other than money. Money is everything uh? If money is everything, he should put me as a priority when I struggled to settle my financial problem. I'll be dead if I have to wait for him to come back after 3 months. Well, he have potential financial controller manager whom in charge for his financial instead of help or respect me whom carrying his child inside my womb! He doesn't even know well about my family background. Who is my mom to everyone. Who is my father around every people in this Sarawak. Doesn't mean I lost my beloved father, I wont have justify on my problem, I just doesn't involved any of them into my problem. Like I said earlier, I can be so naive to everyone, but I can be so mean to anyone who ruin my life.
I born to this world to be a good person. To be respective, smart, obedient, fair enough. Be someone people will remember when I die someday. Like my late father. My mom after married to my dad, she's the one incharge for everything - from dad's financial, household, children, any problem in between. Both of them will have a discussion how to solve the problem together. A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband. How can a woman be expected to be happy with a man who insists on treating her unfairly? It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriage. Every good relationship, especially marriage, is based on respect. If it's not based on respect, nothing that appears to be good will last very long. That's how my dad manage his marriage with mom until death separated them. To be honest, share, loyalty, belief, tolerate, all these behavior needs in every man in this world. We are not rubbish that have to wait for rubbish collector to dump us into rubbish truck and squeeze us like no value. We are the gate in every marriage.
An ideal wife is one who remains faithful to you but tries to be just as charming as if she weren't. Furthermore, I am getting less and lesser in love in between love relationship. People do change, so do I. I don't feel get mad or angry. Not even piss off. I had too much disappointment make me had this feeling. Flash back to my previous marriage, there is no much different. Same same... Why so hard to make any discussion when there is need to talk about? Without any discussion, there will be no love in earlier relationship rite? I lost my confidence toward myself - my heart. Should I close my door to my heart? Should I put no hope in any of his matter? Should I just surrender and wait until the time come to charge him? Or Should I just punch and slap his face to make him wake up from his own life and be more mature in handling his responsibilities? Guess I wont moving out to his house if this the way he treating me. I rather stick onto my mother at my own house, like how he stick to his mother for EVERYTHING.
Discussion ended!
