When the money be judges

Christmas still and it was busy day for me. The day I becomed one man show without my assistant to assists me. Geez. Well, at least we did celebrated this year. That’s what daddy want. And I know daddy watching us from there. I know he absolutely happy seeing his family here. Every year Christmas without you around, its completely felt emptiness. You will be the most busy and excited person when Christmas come. You will be the person in-charge for the event. But now, we did it but not as the best as you did. Merry Christmas dad~ we do remember you every moment. You are remain in our heart, forever. Suddenly miss you, daddy.

Christmas are the best event in this world. May be because of the Christmas tree, or for the gifts, or might when every Christmas has snow? Not in Malaysia. Since I know about Christmas, know existed snows, I put my dream one day I would touch and hold the ice of snow on Christmas day. Everyone do have dreams. That’s one of my dream. Make snow man and decorate it and play with the snow. One day~

Since after my relatives stayed in the house in their school hood, dad, the father of 2 children, a kind heart person, never treat unfairly to everyone in the house. May be because of that me n bro have no chances to feel what other children feel or to have anything that we wanted to have. We don’t have those computer or even own a walkman disc. Not even get chance to play or to experience what’s we wanted. Since I small I like play drum. I like music a lot. I likes instruments. When I was in secondary school, I do have chances to realized my dream to play drum. But I know that I wouldn’t be able to own a set of drums if I really into it. And I know dad never will afford or even thou affordable, he wont be able to buy it for me. He ‘sara’ anak orang lain ehh.. Me and bro have to sacrifice our wishes to have stuffs we want even for our birthday gift. But we never protest. We do understand that father have to manage his financial neatly. He doesn’t mind if he need to sacrifice himself not to have new clothes, not to change his car, etc. With his little pension compensation, he raised everyone in the house. Such a huge responsibilities you had, father.

Now did you see what’s those people that you ever feed up?? Do they thanks you? Do they ever visit you? How will they thanks you, father? Especially their parents, treating Mom like a rubbish. Do you know that father? I’m too sad. You’re too good for them until they forget how they lived before. I wonder if they could do as kind as you, dad. You’ve sacrificed too much for everyone whom not your own family. You don’t even think about yourself. When I growth and start to thank you, you’re gone too early. I know that you like to shop for new clothes. Now then, I afford to get you those clothes, you’re gone too early. What I really wanted to do for you, bring along you to travel where ever I go to. But you’re gone too early. I don’t have chances to thanks you daddy. I know that you’re missing us. You touch my heart whenever you are around to have ‘visit’. We’re looking good dad. Important is I never forget you, once. Suddenly feeling emo lah pula..

For those who still have a father, do respect and appreciate them no matter how good or bad he is. They are such a valuable person in this world. Don’t regret when it’s too late.

xoxo

Bila Cinta ~ Sentimental song for everyone~~

Bila cinta kini
Tak lagi bermakna
Yang ku rasa kini
Hanyalah nestapa
Di tinggalkan cinta masa lalu

Dulu kau tawarkan
Manisnya janjimu
Dan ku sambut itu
Dengan segenap hatiku
Bila engkau pergi
Tinggalkan ku

Hilangnya cintamu
Menusuk hatiku
Hingga ku memilih
Cinta yang fana

Perginya dirimu
Merobek jantungku
Hingga ku terjatuh
Dalam harapan

Bila Cinta ~

WHY

Why?? Why must I sacrifice my time, my life, myself to everyone?? Why should I? Is there no right for me to judge my own life? Why must control my life until I couldn't walk far away from everyone?? 

Why?? Why must I should be surrender most of the time? Is that so hard for them to appreciate or respect me sometimes? I am a human being. I do have pride. I do have right to make any decision. 

Why?? Why must I be a slave most of the time?? Must obedient on everything they instruct, in charge, arrangement. Why I have no right to speak out?? Am I not a part of the family?? Am I just their step daughter, step sister or I can say I am anak pungut tepi jalan??

Why?? Why can't make everything as simple as we should? Why couldn't they put my name or myself when ever in their discussion?? Why must everything to be talk without my notification? 

Why??

I don't understand those people. They keen to help other people whom not from their blood flesh instead. Geez! Remembering those people making myself get moody. Better stop here. Continue next time.

xoxo

Complicated life

How I wish I be a rich person. I mean not too rich but consider affordable to pay anything. Been involved myself in working field about 10 years yet I still don’t have proper financial. Hurm.. what a shame. Sometimes I do feel envy seeing some of people afford to have what they wanted to have. Vacation to any places I want. Pamper myself in Spa, shopping when ever I need, etc. How nice is that.. but then here I am. Still with my most ordinary person who just can see others enjoying their better life.

Its so lucky for those who born with better family background, and can menumpang kesenangan their parents. Easy to say, their parents’ money. Different when it come to my life. My parents not a type who can pamper their children with luxury life. Not even once. We only have certain request that only can be approved base on necessary needs. That’s why I prefer save my school allowance and tie up my stomach (fasting) just because wanna have what I wanted. Yea.. teenagers desire in trend. I ever kena scold by dad when I brought back a pair of lather shoes (which is so popular by that time) that I bought using my saving. That’s the first thing I have with my own saving. I still remember that shoes. Too bad that I don’t keep it. But at the same time, dad was so proud of me. He know that his only daughter would survive in her life no matter how hard she going through it. Yes father, struggling so hard for my own life.

Although in my life of 30’s, I still under my parent control. Mom, after dad gone, she controlling every thing. Including our own privacy life. We couldn’t be breath freely. I just don’t understand her sometimes. Yes I know that she worry but not until everything she need to be controller. I am big enough. Not hers 9 years old daughter. I do need my own life, outing with my friends, relax myself, to be alone without interruption. I do need it Mom. Its not because I don’t obey on you. Your children now have they own life, their own responsibilities. What parents do when their children start can survive by their own, is giving them moral support. Not to stop or to limit their achievement. World changing so do everything in this world. We couldn’t just let ourselves kena pijak most of the time. I just hope that Mom could understand the needs of her children. Never once her children forget about her. We know without a MOTHER, we are nothing.

Mom, we love you so much. We just need our own privacy times sometimes. We are still taking care of you, making sure we have time with you. Yes that is what we often doing for you. I myself, dividing my time and put family as priority. When I still in the age of 20’s, I do protest for my own desire. That was past. Now, I prefer to shut my mouth and just let people continuing saying what they think they should. We cant stop them. Just pray to God, ask for forgiveness and bless everyone. And I know I get reward from that. Its no need to revenge, no need to get mad, no need to be prejudice. What will we get from all of that? Satisfaction? Why not we switch our satisfaction to something that worthy, for goodness. One day, we will get lots of reward from what we did for goodness. Experienced is useful. Experienced is my leader. I be advisor to myself.

xoxo

Random

I getting better~ Went to work today and as usual, I sit on my place (new place) doing less work. Everyday. Sigh! I am so stress without work to do. Because I get used to be busy in the office. When will the OPIM (some sort of new software) start. I purposely bought the Wordsearch book just because to kill my time at the office. I brought my novel and other magazines too. Some other people get jealous when they see me 'busy' relaxing myself in the office while I envy on how busy they are. But its not my fault what. Lady boss took away my tasks and handover it to my other colleague. That's why I goyang kaki tunggu salary saja end of the month. Only will busy in certain time.

Okay this is not what I wanna share here. It's about how brainless and no systematic security at one of the famous mall in Miri. I bet everyone know which one of it. There's one day when I and my mom and cousin went to this mall in Miri. We decided to find parking at the upper floor parking lot. We've been stuck in the middle of the railway to the upper floor parking. Been stuck there for more than half hour. Well, as you all know I am the type who will get piss off when I impatient. I pressed hon and make noise. After for few times honed finally we can move a bit. The moment we reached on top, unbelievable! The security keep on letting those cars from tops to go through but not the cars who came from downstairs. No wonder lah cause jammed. Don't they see or even think how nervous those drivers yang takut giler stuck in the middle of the way to top?? Stupid security! I don't understand about that mall management. Hire those brainless security. So action some more. Plus those stupid foreigner drivers acting they own the mall and can simply park their car. I know lah you people come to Miri and sell your money here but at least do respect lah other people. Not because you are foreigner you can do anything to local people in Miri. We respect you, you kena lah respect us. There's no need to show how rude you are mah. I've seen a lot of scenario happened between you all with local people here. 

Hurm..I better stop here then. Emergency!

xoxo